Game of Thrones S7E2: The Return of Hot Pie

Game of Thrones S7E2: The Return of Hot Pie
Hot Pie! Returns.
Hot Pie! Returns. And he feeds Arya some hot pie. That's really the only important thing to recall from this episode. Other thoughts:
  • Melisandre also returns, and ugh. She falls into the same bucket as Littlefinger. The one that forces Brienne to question aloud for all of us, "why is s/he still here?" Melisandre serves a purpose this week though. We learn a high Valyrian vocabulary lesson from Missandei (she can do more just braid for days, okay!) and she convinces Daenerys to summon Jon Snow. Dany agrees, demanding that when he arrives, he shall "bend at the knee." First, I hope he does not because she sucks so much. Second, one can only hope that if he does, it's to stage a reenactment of the Boyz II Men classic, On Bended Knee.
  • Daenerys's battle map continues to dominate all scenes. When the little mascots become self-mobile (auto-mobile?), I will declare the Battle of the Battle Maps won.
  • As far as the battle for the Seven Kingdoms, this is slightly more complicated and I'm not prepared to make predictions. I know the showrunners would like to emphasize that Tyrion is the only man at the war strategy session, surrounded by four women who are the decisionmakers. And I imagine the showrunners are feeling pretty proud of themselves for making this scene happen, patting themselves on their backs. They probably woke up this morning, high-fived their reflections in the mirror and declared, "i'm woke af." I, however, am unconvinced. That wasn't a strategy session. That was Tyrion proposing something, and the women immediately accepting it because they didn't have a better alternative at that time. No counterpoints were raised, no risks considered. No mention of, "what if..."
  • Cersei and Jaime try to rally some support. She also gets a gargantuan crossbow. Those Lannisters sure dig the crossbow.
  • Jorah and Sam try to stave off Jorah's certain death with some pain and potions in a pretty gnarly scene that made me cringe more than the poop montage of last episode. My guess is Jorah has to survive somehow because he has to see Daenerys at least once more, so the rest of us can cringe some more at his misguided obsession with her. I wonder if Sam will contract greyscale though, because he's served his purpose by telling Jon about the heaps of dragonstone that Daenerys is sitting on. Gilly and baby Sam are also doing fine, which makes me think Sam will be offed next.
  • Jon Snow and Sansa hold another Winterfell town hall during which Jon solicits public opinion and ignores those public opinions. Why bother consulting at all? Still, I seem to agree with everything he decides and I'm hopeful since Ser Davos is on board, too. But Sansa and the other worrywarts raise good points. The real question is: what will Littlefinger try while Jon is away?
  • Euron ambushes Yara/Theon with a comically evil-looking ship, snarl, and laugh. He is a pirate, surely modeled after Jack Sparrow, guyliner and all. Two things about this long battle scene:
    • Why bother with hand to hand combat, when all you could just send some flaming arrows/cannons, set ships on fire, and wait for them to quickly burn down?
    • Theon's ditching Yara. I thought this was actually a humane portrayal of Theon and PTSD. No human could forget the trauma he endured under Ramsey and the triggers of the intense battle and threats to life were very believable. I worry he'll beat himself up for not saving Yara though and bury himself further in self-hatred.
  • Varys will totally betray Daenerys
  • Dany's braids are incredible and I hope she realizes Missandei is going to get carpal tunnel in the name of the braids
  • It wasn't until Cersei's speech about the cruelty of the Dothraki deplorables that I realized Dany's OG army of the Unsullied and the Dothraki is comprised of eunuchs and rapists, respectively. I.e. men who too little/too much penis, respectively.
  • What are the Dothraki and Unsullied supposed to do while Dany's Westerosi armies play out her plan? 
  • Lady Olenna. I wonder what she has stored up her sleeve and in her little boxy hat/bonnet thing. Until I'm told otherwise, I assume she stores tea cookies for later up there.
  • I was very disappointed when Hot Pie didn't send Arya off with more and improved wolf bread.

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Tags: game of thrones, recaps

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