In case you live in a cave*, the fourth season of Game of Thrones premiered last night, and it was pretty great if you rank greatness by the ratio of questions raised to questions answered during the episode. So here we go. This week's questions and comments:
The casting directors and producers busted an Aunt Viv** on is! The actor for Daario was replaced by yet another dark haired bearded guy between seasons. This is a huge step up in my view since Daario 1.0 was a spindly, girly, creepy guy. Apparently Daario 1.0 left Game of Thrones to bust an Aunt Viv of his own: he will be replacing Jason Statham in the Transporter sequels. It is an Aunt Viv domino effect, you see.
As FC pointed out, with Daario 2.0's addition to the cast, how bad do you think Ser Jorah's case of blue balls is right now?
I liked when Daenerys' dragons snapped back at her and Jorah (the dreamiest dreamboat) pointed out that even a mother of dragons can't expect to tame them. However I really wish Jorah had used sarcastic air quotes when he said "'mother' of dragons'". She's a little too into herself these days.
Jaime Lannister's prosthetic hand is GARGANTUAN. Literally larger than life. How can anyone take him seriously when he has a fake hand the size of a foam finger? Is it supposed to be a morale booster so that he is unintentionally constantly cheering himself on?
Cersei is barely blond anymore. Is that to symbolize her darkening heart?
Also why was she consulting that Maester? Is she preggers? Does she want birth control? Does she need ambien, or night of the ether deadflowers-gale or whatever they probably call it in Westeros, in order to sleep at night? Or is she planning to poison someone (hopefully Joffrey)?
The Hound quotes The Wire with his, "a man's gotta have a code." I'm pretty sure the writers are just warming us up so we'll buy it when Littlefinger busts out some verbatim Tommy Carcetti lines in a future episode. The writers have all of season 4 to somehow introduce war/campaign financing and the budget to fixing up some future Lord Baltimore's schools to Littlefinger's agenda.
Arya is a mini Hound now, a real cold hearted killer. Her recovered sword, Needle, is so dainty and narrow (contrast with Jaime's foam finger sized hand) that it looks like a giant sandwich toothpick. Her relationship with the Hound is eerily like that of Matilda and Leon in The Professional, one of my favorite films of all time. Both Matilda (played by a precocious Natalie Portman--this was easily the best thing she's ever done) and Arya lose both parents around the same age and spend their lives plotting revenge, under the apprenticeship of a professional "cleaner" or "slayer."
Speaking of swords, was it Ned Stark's sword melted down in the beginning? How was it so large that it had enough steel for two swords? Or was this Stark sword normal sized but just large enough to make weapons for Jaime's weaker left hand and perhaps Tyrion's small right hand?
So many questions.
Next week: Margaery dresses like a ho bag at her own wedding!
* I lived in that cave until two weeks ago, and I was pretty happy there. It was warm and well-lit like the cave Jon Snow and Ygritte boffed in. You know, the one with the hot spring and pools that were just deep enough so that when the two jumped in, neither of them struck the sharp cave rock bottom and died of broken sex foot.
** Fresh Prince of Bel Air reference, worth googling if you're not familiar. Basically the actress for Aunt Viv gets randomly replaced after the first season or so with no explanation. And decades later Aunt Viv 1.0 gave a hysterical rant about it fairly recently.