David Beckham Has Been Long Herbalife for Ages

Herbalife 4 Lyfe. (img credit: popsugar.com)

Herbalife 4 Lyfe. (img credit: popsugar.com)

In a recently filed 13-F, David Beckham revealed a new long position in Herbalife to the surprise of the investment and soccer community alike. Upon further digging, we at TotallyFakeNews have learned Herbalife is not only Beckham's chief investment but his only. "I'm 110% invested -- I've been buying the public stock and my own private stock, so to speak. I'm a Level 4 Herbalife Triton Member!" Beckham exclaimed.  "I get loads of Isotonic products and a new shirt every week in exchange for a small, escalating weekly fee, which are my new member dues. I've been a new member for eight years now, and my mentor Tom Cruise says I'm the first new member to ever reach Level 4 Triton. I feel pretty lucky."

We asked Beckham details about this Level 4 tier, wondering if it perhaps tied to levels within Herbalife's purported pyramid scheme as activist investor Bill Ackman has been pounding the table about. Beckham replied, "Of course not. What bollocks. You Americans believe anything. Herbalife has never, ever asked me to find five people to recruit into a sales team, so that I can get a cut of recruits' sales and recruits' recruits' sales and so on and so forth. All I have to do is buy a few new product starter kits every week. At first it started out at five new kits, then 25, then 5x5x5, then 5^4 and that's where I'm at now, the 4th Tier. Now, does that sound like a pyramid scheme to you? That sounds like a deal to me, frankly."

Beckham went on without us asking, "I've been storing all our stock at our Malibu house for the second coming of Herba-God in 2014. As I've been learning through my readings and lessons in the Herbable with Sensei Cruise, only those who use the IsoTonix will survive. Most people don't know this yet but we're going to start spreading the word through this shirt campaign once Victoria and I have built of an Isotonic store of two years' supply before the plebs can get to it. Safety first, as Sensei Cruise always says."

We probed further, wondering about this "safety first" ideal, if perhaps Carl Icahn, another notable investor who is long Herbalife, perhaps had offered any thoughts on Beckham's one-stock investment philosophy. "He seemed supportive...I think. Icahn called me recently asking if he could buy out my 'metrosexual pansy ass stake' in Herbalife for a statement he's trying to make. I started to ask if the statement was from the Herbable and he cut me off with, 'yes or no, goddammit. Just yes or-- actually just yes. Okay, done.' And he hung up. Seems like we're on the same side...right?"

Rather than shake his baseless faith in Herbalife, we instead turned to his wife Victoria for comment about her husband's investments. She flushed and replied, "Oh, oh no thank you. I'm just not hungry."

Filed under: Uncategorized

Tags: fake news, investing, mockery

Comments

Leave a comment
  • he "additional" costs to which your referring to BFG are through affiliate companys who sell herbalife products, not herbalife itself. I am a herbalife distributor and have not yet recruited one single person under me or tried to. Why? because I actually really enjoy selling and consuming the products. Herbalife is by far not a scam, they are good quality products that actually work, sold by independant business owners who can choose to make a bad name for the company by not actually understanding properly how the system works, or creating the name for the comany it deserves.

    Herbalife has built schools, hospitals, donates and supports countless charaties and looks after its serious distributors with more support and care than any other office or labour job ever has for me.

    All of the nagative feedback from Herbalife is merely people not understanding the true nature of network marketing, or the science and facts behind the products.David Beckham is obviously one who actually does his research properly and professionally before he judged herbalife.

    I love the products, they have done wonders for me and I love helping people to feel better even if it is only through 1 product.

    Try before you judge. http://www.wellness85034.com/shop/

Leave a comment

  • ChicagoNow is full of win

    Welcome to ChicagoNow.

    Meet our bloggers,
    post comments, or
    pitch your blog idea.

  • Advertisement:
  • Meet The Blogger

    pintotowncar

    I lettered in math.

  • Recent posts

  • Monthly Archives

  • Tags

  • Latest on ChicagoNow

  • Advertisement:
  • Fresh Chicago News