The Decline of Western Civilization

Depicted in two moving images below. And by "moving" images, I mean entirely static, like essentially all of America's youth.

Exhibit A: Ham & Cheese Loaf by Oscar Mayer

Exhibit A: Ham & Cheese LOAF by Oscar Mayer

a Ham & Cheese LOAF. "Real" cheese!

Exhibit B: Goober by Smucker's


Peanut Butter and Grape Jelly Stripes. "America's Favorite"!


I mean....I get it. I like convenience, too. But seriously, how lazy can you be? You can't bear to open two resealable plastic bags (and then close them again) or two separate jelly and peanut butter jars (and close them too), apparently. And note this chastising is coming from me. Someone who stayed in her pajamas for 30 consecutive hours this past weekend. that I think of it jelly and peanut butter scooping requires two different knives, or a thorough cleaning in between drowning it in a vat of sugar or fat. So Goober is actually saving the environment, cutting down your carbon footprint one jar at a time, don't you know. No obese child left behind.

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