This is a game of sanitary Russian roulette

This is a game of sanitary Russian roulette

Two things.

First, I have stumbled across the greatest Amazon product review ever. Regarding the otherwise blah psyllium husks actual, I clicked into reviews thinking, "Why would anyone give fiber a five star review?" And then ... everything suddenly made sense in my life.

Quest For No-Wipe, May 18, 2011

By Maven Carraway

This review is from: NOW Foods Psyllium Husk 500mg, 500 Capsules (Health and Beauty)

Recently I embarked on a journey for the holiest of holies. The holy grail of bowel movements, if you will: one which results in a "ghost wipe". A wise woman once said "Nothing is as overrated as sex, and as underrated as a good bowel movement." While I can't completely agree with that, I will say this: These pills are saving me tens of dollars every year on toilet paper.

Tell me, human, does your day not seem brighter when you wipe, look at your toilet paper and realize it was a clean break?

I take 4 in the morning and 4 at night with copious amounts of water and this seems to do the trick. Bravo, psyllium husk.

Second, related but unrelated: I just learned that the only acceptable way to hang toilet paper (over! not under! <--- please click for explanatory PDF) is also the green way to hang toilet paper. This guy at Current Configuration details why in mock serious text and diagram.

 ...We here at Current Configuration, for the purposes of ease and expediency, do the one-handed tear ... The one-handed tear is a quick maneuver that takes advantage of the perforated squares, allowing your bundle of toilet paper to be liberated with one quick swipe of the arm. This is the foundation of bathroom ease, the cottony bedrock on which enjoyment rests in the restrooms of many nations.

The one-handed tear relies on a quick and forceful motion directed either away from or towards the tear-er. The forces applied in this motion are great and, like the atom, are not to be trifled with. The natural curve of the over-hung method allows the roll to stand fast after a one-handed tear, but the under-hung method creates a calamitous tendency in the roll. This tendency can only lead to ...Wasted paper, frustration, the destruction of our forests. While we realize that it is possible to execute a one-handed tear on an under-hung roll, this is a game of sanitary Russian roulette. You are bound to lose eventually, and there is no re-rolling an unwound toilet paper roll.

(via Current Configuration)

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