Breaking: MBA Students Must Pass Classes To Graduate

Breaking: MBA Students Must Pass Classes To Graduate

Something tells me that the Booth is the only program at the University of Chicago to receive the following reminder about the “school” part of grad school.

Dear Spring Graduates:

Congratulations, you have officially entered your final quarter at Chicago Booth!

As you progress through this quarter, you will encounter many scheduling conflicts with your academic classes including the possibility of a continuation of your job search, social opportunities through student group programming, Celebration, and of course, warmer weather and the lake front. Please know while Academic Services is aware of these outside activities, you are still expected to remain responsible to the Chicago Booth degree requirements. Failure to do so could jeopardize your ability to graduate at the end of the quarter.

Additionally, in a ten week quarter, faculty have a limited time frame to present course material and measure your performance and progress. Given this, they are unable to reschedule courses or exams to help ease the pressures of spring quarter on your behalf. Academic Services asks you remain mindful of your commitments throughout the quarter and make the appropriate trade-offs...

Academic Services

Is the C in “Celebration” capitalized to remind us of what a passing grade is? It makes me wonder what debauchery our advisors imagine ahead for us in these “Celebrations.” Given our track record though they’re right to remind us. In fact, I’m willing to bet this is what Academic Services wanted to say...

Dear Spring Graduates:

Congratulations! You have successfully milked our Grade Non-Disclosure policy into this, your final quarter at Chicago Booth!

As you progress through this quarter, you will encounter many scheduling conflicts with your academic classes, including the possibility of extending Spring Break into now the third week of classes, Coachella, Jazz Fest, Derby, the RV caravan that will take you drunken lot between these shit shows, and of course, warmer weather and the lake front. Please know Academic Services is aware that these commitments will likely foster the lasting friendships and memories upon which you will look back most fondly after graduation, and so, we hope you’ll remain true to these priorities. Failure to do so may jeopardize our ability to solicit alumni donations going forward.

Additionally, in a ten week quarter, faculty have a limited time frame to accommodate the whiny, peculiar exam/course rescheduling demands you’ve introduced to them over the last five quarters. Given this, we have decided to remove the spring quarter from final transcripts entirely and initiate a messy petition process to even see these grades. Academic Services asks that you remain mindful of this before bothering your professors this quarter.

Because it is the morning after your regular Thursday night activities, we will resend this reminder in a few hours after you’ve self-medicated with a bacon-infused brunch (or if you are one particular individual, after you’ve finished vomiting into a grocery bag while paused at a red light en route to afternoon class). If you are capable of thinking independently, or if you have a child or other priorities/goals in life that allow you to function at a real world pace while enrolled in an MBA program, we apologize for the spam.

Academic Services

 

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