Climate Change is Not Appropriate Locker Room Talk, Unless It's Truthful

I’ve been trying to workout more in the morning, but it’s a pain in the ass. Someone in my house, including me, is always awake in the middle of the night, so the endorphins that are supposed to stream through my system get absorbed by exhaustion. Sure, I get the workout over with, but then... Read more »

I Lost My First Fantasy Football Game of the Season

The world is fucked, and we are getting fucked with it. ISIS beheadings, Ferguson, Missouri, havoc in Hong Kong, ebola in Texas, white Bengal tigers eating unsuspecting New Delhians, minding their own business by hopping over protective zoo railings and invading dangerous predator dens, and I lost my first fantasy football game of the season.... Read more »

My Fantasy Football Team Name is Better Than Yours

Great as they were, I couldn’t decide on any of the fantasy football team names my son suggested. My favorite, LeBron James Has the Worst Breath Ever It Smells Like Rotten Fish Going Up His Rectum, exceeded the cbssports.com fantasy football name character-limit, rendering my son’s cerebral effort in vain. So I did what I... Read more »
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I Had to Confront My 2-Year-Old About His Inflated Ego

It is truly a marvel to watch my 2-year-old son develop. Physically, he’s growing as you would expect a healthy child to. Not too long ago, all he could do was turnover. Then, overnight it seemed, he was crawling, climbing himself up with the aid of furniture, walking and running. Cognitively, he’s a superstar. He’s... Read more »

Fantasy Football Team Names My Son Suggested

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. No, I’m not talking about Christmas or when I invite the neighbors over to line up and motorboat my man-tits. Rather, I’m referring to fantasy football season, something with which I share a love/hate relationship, as I’ve previously outlined here and here. It’s like my relationship with... Read more »

Coming Out (though it's not what you think)

I am pleased to announce my first guest blogger, my friend Mike. We’ve known each other since middle school and first connected literally with punches to the face during a gym class fight. I’m pretty sure I started it and deserved his fist to my jaw. Years later, at least one of us has matured... Read more »
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My Toddler Doesn't Respect Me

My 23-month-old son and I are now on a first name basis. I’m not sure why or how it happened. One morning last week, I came downstairs, and he said, “Hi Davidge.” It was cute, and I laughed. That was my first mistake because he hasn’t stopped. When he walks into the house with my... Read more »

Anti-Semitism Is Making Me One Angry and Unpleasant Parent

My blood is boiling these days over global anti-Semitism. The hatred of Jews is nothing new. As my close friend put it today, “Anti-Semitism is as old as prostitution.” But I’ve never seen it erupt in my lifetime the way it is now. From continent to continent,  people are verbally and physically attacking Jews, my... Read more »

Breanna Mitchell's Auschwitz Selfie Was Poor Form, But Get Off Your High Horses

Breanna Mitchell is the new face of Auschwitz. Google “Auschwitz” and her picture and story make up the third entry. That is just sad. Yes she snapped a smiling selfie and tweeted it to her tiny following, but the knee-jerking, self-righteous among us have elevated her to this unfortunate status. Let’s put Selfiegate into context... Read more »
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Bedtime Gets Longer and Longer Every Night

I remember back in the good old days when putting the baby down for the night was quick work. I’d bend down at a disc-herniating 120 degrees and lie him in his crib. “Well uh, take it easy I guess,” I would say, leave his room and then allow my wife to wake up with... Read more »
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    David Telisman

    I am a vitamin D-deficient former Floridian--who, despite the spring...er...extended winter--loves Chicago. I contradicted convention (and common sense) by moving FROM the beach to the Midwest, but Lou Malnati's and any Italian beef sandwich reinforce that I made the right decision. I also got a wife and two sons out of it, and I would do anything for my family, except miss a Miami Hurricanes football game. This is my take on fatherhood. You can contact me at david.telisman@gmail.com. Thank you for reading!

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