One in my 'Thought Of The Day' series. Don't worry - I don't have many.
The oldest is currently composing an essay for graduate school applications. We were discussing topics and I suggested 'Life lessons from picking up dog poop'. She laughed. So I wrote.
1. Life boils down to basics - at the end of the day, everyone and everything poops and if you have a dog, you have to deal with it.
2. Following on from no 1, picking up poop is the same as changing a child's diaper. It's only OK if it's your own (kid, I mean, not diaper).
3. Think ahead - you quickly learn (especially in winter) to pre-open poop bags before you leave the house. And always bring one more than you think you need, because you never know what your little 4-legged darling has planned for you. Plus you can show civic mindedness when someone runs short (not that anyone will now, after reading this blog).
4. Dealing with moral dilemmas - what do you do if you see a dog pooping and their owner not scooping? I'm still undecided on that one. Plus it depends on how big their dog is.
5. There are no cover ups when something goes bad. Likewise scented poop bags don't actually mask anything - they just make you associate the smell with dog poop.
6. What goes in.....
7. Life needs a bit of colour. So do poop bags - see-through is not a good look.
8. Never underestimate the importance of finishing a job properly. It's no good picking up if you don't tie a knot. Dog poo is like magic slime - it always finds its way out unless forcibly restrained. And will then take over the world. Plus it will prevent no 13.
9.There's a time and a place for everything. If you meet another dog owner just after you've scooped, shaking hands is not necessary.
10. There are many, many shades of brown.
11. You never know when you'll discover new pleasures - such as the satisfaction of a cleanly-collected little offering.
12. Likewise you never know where the next big idea will come from. My latest - using doop bags in political campaigns. Why don't candidates give out free bags instead of pins or stickers? They could have slogans such as 'I'm here to clean up this town' or, alternatively, 'This bag is just like (name of opponent) - full of s***t'.
13. Even the strongest marriage has its breaking point. Such as, when faced with a half-full bag and an empty one, you put your hand distractedly into the half-full one as I did last week. And for some reason the husband refused to carry on holding my hand.
So what do you think? Would I get in? If you think 'yes' you can always click the facebook 'Like' thingy.That would be even better than getting into grad school (well, almost). I'd also like to take this opportunity to reassure you that no dog poop was left uncollected during the writing of this essay.
You could also type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. Then you'll receive my ramblings before the husband does! My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.