Archive for February 2013

This is why J’Marcus Webb is really in trouble

This is why J’Marcus Webb is really in trouble
Chicago Bears sieve, er I mean left tackle, J’Marcus Webb just got arrested for possession of marijuana.  He was pulled over for speeding 11 miles over the limit and apparently the drugs were found while the officer was talking to him. Aside from the fact that he’s a fringe player at best and could find... Read more »

My client isn’t racist, he just calls babies the N word

My client isn’t racist, he just calls babies the N word
I understand and have even blogged on the fact that a lawyer’s job is to represent the interests of their client. But often the lawyer sounds like an idiot doing so and makes all other lawyers look bad by how ridiculous they sound. For example, almost anything done by Drew Peterson’s old attorney is a... Read more »

Some criminals are just stupid

Some criminals are just stupid
Here is an e-mail I got from a buddy of mine.  Dropped off my car at the “super” service dealership last Monday morning. Took a whole week for what was not a very complicated fix. They gave me a loaner. I believe the work should have been covered by warranty, they charged me $800 Finally... Read more »
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How to screw up your criminal case

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If you get arrested for a misdemeanor like minor drug possession, retail theft, disorderly conduct, etc. and it’s your first offense, if you play your cards right, you should be able to beat the charge, get it cleared off your record and move on with your life. In Chicago that typically means you should hire... Read more »

911 is a joke in our town

911 is a joke in our town
I talk to approximately 80 people a day about all sort of legal issues. I’d say 1% of those people are crazy and another 1% are just downright awful people. The crazy ones think that Oprah is watching them through the TV or that the Chicago police have planted a chip in their brain to... Read more »

I bet Donald Trump $500 million he will lose his lawsuit against Bill Maher

I bet Donald Trump $500 million he will lose his lawsuit against Bill Maher
Well, I don’t have that much, so I’ll give him $50 and he can give me $500 million if he loses. The silver spooned blowhard is suing Bill Maher because the comedian, clearly in jest, said on the Jay Leno show that he’d give Trump $5 million for charity if he can prove that he... Read more »
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Jesse Jackson Jr. is smart

Jesse Jackson Jr. is smart
            Ok, that photo of Rick Santorum has nothing to do with anything other than I found it while looking for a JJJR photo and it’s hilarious. Yes, I’m a 12 year old boy in a 41 year old man’s body. Jesse Jackson Jr. worked out a plea deal on... Read more »

The Catholic Church says life begins at birth

The Catholic Church says life begins at birth
There is a health group in Colorado and sixteen other states called Catholic Health Initiatives (CHI). They run a group of hospitals. A few years ago, a woman named Lori Stodghill came to one of the hospitals in Colorado. She was seven months pregnant with twins at the time. Sadly, Lori died of a heart... Read more »

Fired for being too fat

Fired for being too fat
There was a story making the rounds last week about a Baltimore Ravens cheerleader who claimed that she didn’t get to go to the Super Bowl last night as part of the official squad because she had put on too much weight. Apparently she wasn’t supposed to weigh more than 121 pounds and she porked... Read more »
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    Michael Helfand

    I am a lawyer who talks like a regular person. I provide direct, honest advice, and if needed, I will recommend a lawyer to you.

  • In 2001, I started www.fingreatlawyers.com. It is a free service, and I talk to people about their Illinois legal matters. I'm not the place to find a free lawyer, but I only suggest Illinois attorneys that I'd recommend to my own family members and friends. Call me at (312) 346-5320 any time if you have any legal questions.
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