What a Disaster.

Mattress in the bath tub...

Holy Mosses what a day!  Brace yourself cause this will most likely pour out like word vomit.

First the day started out so lovely. Panic attack was super mild and I breezed right through it got the kids breakfast. We planned to head out to our churches Easter egg hunt I had to leave at 9:45. So I kicked it into high gear got everyone fed,dressed and out the door at 9:30 yeah me! We had the best time church at they had an Easter egg hunt that was so fun and the kids loved it. The weather was beautiful and the women who put together the hunt did a great job! We head home so some of the family can nap I head outside to prep and organize the car for the road trip Florida. At 2:30 we head out to Charleston to pick up a 15 passenger van for Eric to drive the students to Cocoa. Which is about a 2 hour drive surprisingly we are rather cheerful about it all cause we gonna have dinner and maybe go to Saturday church at Seacoast just cause we're nosey. 

Well 20 minutes into the drive it ALL heads downhill not just a little but a big freakin' lot!!!! First our cell phone carrier calls and says we are 2000 minutes over and our bill which is due now is 881.00!  All I can say is what the HELL! ( not nice I know but come on) Apparently we do not have the feature that warns us we are about to go over our minutes which has NEVER happened before. To add that is an additional 5.99 :( I had been checking our minutes every other day since we dropped our home phone service to keep track plus to see how much I would need to increase our service plan to, well its seems that once you reach your limit they will not tell you how MUCH over you are. So when I checked it on the 6th 2 days before the "roll" over day it said you have used 900 of your 900 so I thought o.k well I'll be some over and I'll know how much to increase our plan too. Well Eric and I work out some crazy weird plan with them and I won't know exactly how much we will have to pay until Wednesday. But of course its my phone that's over so all the guilt and failure rests on me! Which is so maddening because I spend so much time clipping coupons and making homemade laundry soap to save money. We don't eat it if its not on sale or generic. I mean I'm not sure how to break this to you but Pastors are not in it for the money. So 881.00 might as well be 1 trillion dollars. And I am suppose to be going to my aunts house while Eric is with the students and money for that was so tight it was squeaking   GRRRRR!

Then we are almost to the van pick up and all the kids are whining. They are hungry,tired,thirsty and basically getting on my nerves. I calmly tell them to be quiet it won't be much longer till dinner.Eric gets out at the rental place after our 2 hour drive only to be told the people who had the van first decided to keep it another day. And they were sooo sorry they forgot to call him and let him know. @$%$%^&& are you joking? Where is a cliff when you need one! Eric gets back in our car and I said whats going on? To which I receive the rarely given death stare. O.k shutting up now.

At this point the kids are so hungry they are on the edge of death so after a brief but annoying lack of direction we find a subway. Yahooooo we pull in to park and Chandler starts screaming her I am pooping scream which could be confused as the trumpet of Christ signaling the dead to rise. So I send Eric and the kids inside to get settled while I change her I lay her down open her diaper to find the worlds tiniest poop ever. Which surprisingly is a perfectly round ball which of course you guessed it rolled away! ugggg! Now I am searching around for a tiny yet highly stinky poop....... such fun. I find it and go inside to eat.

We head over to the church because we are so close and actually on time,so why not? We get in and check all the kids in to the right rooms head to our seats and I think ahhhhhh I am just going to take all this in and try to enjoy. WRONG! 

There begins a feeling deep in my tummy that signals to my brain that bad things are about to occur and occur they do. What a joke. I finally am able to leave the holy throne know as the ladies room to discover Eric and Chandler hanging out in the hall. So we continue to watch and try to enjoy the service out there and I must say it was lovely. When Eric gets the message from his brain about his soon to be tummy troubles. Off he goes to respond to his calling only he gets it worse and is puking too. So once church wraps up we hit the car to get the heck outta there. We had to stop so throwing up could happen twice more and I could take over driving duties.

Alright its not over... I am driving, Eric is holding a bag, Autumn, Denver and Chandler are all crying for different reasons. Autumn who once got thrown up on by Dylan has a fear of throw up so profound shes been known to take off running at school if someone starts coughing hard enough to scare her into thinking puke might happen, so she wants Eric to ride in the trunk in case he throws up. AHHHH! I reach back to hand the baby something and swerve a little (o.k maybe a lot) into the other lane which happens to have a police car in it and then I notice crap there is one behind me too. Oh you guessed it I got pulled over!!! The 3 little ones are still crying but have now taken it up a notch. Eric has to exit the car with permission to ( I was a little afraid that if he didn't ask they might zap him) throw up in the grass. The officer says do you know why I stopped you? Of course not how could I know I was busy with the puking husband and 3 screaming kids to pay attention to my driving.

 I burst into tears big ugly tears,he has mercy on me and warns me not to swerve into a police car. So for the rest of the ride home I drive with my hazard lights on and after 3 more stops to throw up and listening to Chandler cry the WHOLE WAY HOME ( which was a solid hour or more). We made it home.

I just want to have a temper tantrum in the worst way possible the good kind that involves destruction. The kind like Miss Piggy used to have and then feel so much better afterwards she was breathless. Which I say all this to say I might be safer in the tub which a mattress over my head.

I just want a vacation!

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Tags: church, travel

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