What's it like...

What's it like...

The topic I'm gonna write about tonight is a reoccurring
question I've heard many times throughout my life,"What is it like to be

I've heard it from friends, family, teachers, school
councilors, all over the place. I've heard it so much that I've really
never thought about it much, until the last 2 years of my life.  You
see, I got in touch with part of my biological family again. I have my
biological Mother and her family in my life, so I know half of my story.

The truth of adoption is, obviously, different for everybody but this is what I think and feel from the life I've led.

Adoption didn't make who I was but it helped develop into the
person I am today. I had always known I was adopted.  Its never
bothered me. What bothered me is the, random, adverse reaction I've
gotten from people through the long years.  From friends of the family
to close personal friends of mine, people have voiced their disagreement
with adoption.  I don't really know why people are against it but
everyone has the right to their own opinion, no matter how immature or
wrong it may be.

The truth is, I don't think anyone knows what to make of it,
since each case of adoption is 100% unique.  In my case, it was
simple... or so I'm told.  She was too young and her parents refused to
help in any part, so she gave me up and I was adopted by an awesome
& loving couple.

I've never had any anger or grief towards my Biological
Mother.  How could I?!  The only other alternative to that situation is

The only things I've had problems with is the day dreams
& dillusions that come with being adopted.  You got family but
they're  not blood.  You got friends but yet, no one even can tell you
about your history or anything. 

I had a really good friend, a man I grew up with, tell me
that,"We all knew what everyone's background heritage was, except for

It struck me then how confused people around me could be to
my existence. I don't look like anyone I call Mom, Dad, Grandma, Aunt or
Uncle.  Doctors look at me funny when I say,"This is a relative of

So I started thinking about all I knew about myself,
biological, adopted, the mysterious, whatever. The facts are the facts
and no matter what I thought, or conceived in my mind, it didn't change
anything.  I'm kind of a conundrum, even to myself.

No biological family is within 3-4" inches of my height. 
None are exactly athletic. Yet I can see the family energy. I can see
the way we all look.  I can see part of what makes me, me. Its a
beautiful thing but it doesn't make me who I am. It shows me that I'm
not alone in the World, there are others like me.

I have seen family resemblances for the first time. I see where I've gotten some of my little quirks and crazies.

It only deepened the mystery to me of what it meant to be
adopted. What defines an adopted persons life? Is it the adopted family
who raised 'em? Is it their hidden heritage and ancestry? They say that
blood always rings true.

I realized then that the next leg of the journey is to deepen
my knowledge of the family I do know.  Really delve into the family
& personal dynamics, see where I fit in.

The quest was rough and sometimes fraught with peril but I
remained upright and moving forward.  The answer was so simple that I
hadn't seen it with my own two eyes. Until I find my Biological Father,
I'll never have the entire picture I need.

With that said, comes the toughest part of all.  For what I know entails explaining to a random guy,"Hi, I'm your son"

That seems a whole set of stresses and tensions I could sure live without but what would Life be without some adventure. 

Up until now, I hadn't realized how much I really wanted to
finish the puzzle of my Life.  To put all the pieces together & be
able to say,"This is where I came from, this is my blood"

As the Gods will it, I'll continue forth on this path of
mystery and emotion.  I need to answer the question of what it feels
like to be adopted. 

Yet the answer is deceptively easy.  To be adopted means
there's always more out there to be learned and discovered about you,
your heritage, your history. You have more family out there than people
should legally be allowed to have.

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