Only the lonely

One of the toughest realizations I've had, in my Life is that my dreams of how my biological family would be, how my adopted family would react/interact with my 'new' family, how I would feel completed, were all just dreams. If anything, it made me feel like I had a multiple personality disorder. Each side seemed to have, and hold firm, to these idea's about who I was and how I was supposed to be. If I deviated from those paths, and there was drama, with no way for me to rectify every insane dilemma. Neither side could/would admit that I'm my own person and just be happy I'm there.

How do I win, when each side was tugging at me, trying to play some emotional card in the hopes it taps into a vein of sympathy. When did it turn me away from everyone?

The day had an air of tension to begin with. I was being, inexorably, forced into choices that I didn't want to make,"Which of these dramatic forces need to be removed from my Life.". I really had to figure out which was the most pressing, which was the most deserving of being removed first, etc.

So, to save my sanity, I had to make the toughest choice an Adopted person could ever face. I had to remove myself, and distance myself, from my biological family. With an immensely heavy heart I bid my fair well, the death of a dream.

Done with that, I've set about a new path and the hopes of a new dream.

I hadn't chosen my Adopted family over my Biological family, as much as I got rid of the most pressing stressor.

I need, the family still around me, to understand I'm an individual. I'm not like them because I really am not one of them. No one will have my quirks, no one will have my personality, no one will have my traits. Its just a reality of my existence. I would like them to be apart of my Life, if they can just give me that respect.

Maybe its just time to dream a new dream.

Filed under: Uncategorized

Tags: Adoption, Awakening, Family

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