Damaged

Relationships can be a mind numbingly incredulous affair on a normal day. How do you define/fix your problems, with relationships, when the answer is a liminal blip on your subconsciousness?

Abandonment Issues not withstanding, the answer is simple.

"The apple never falls far from the tree"

Though an Adopted individual may never realize it, they ARE doing exactly what their genetics state. If you're from a neurotic genetic line, odds are, you're neurotic a bit too. So, would it really shock you to learn that Adopted individuals seem more prone to continuing a cycle of bad relationships?

After interviewing adopted individuals and non-adopted individuals, I couldn't hide the fact that I'm apart of that statistical group too.

Delving deep into my memories, I really started to see a pattern of why I was failing so bad in relationships. I would, with almost deliberate actions, choose someone who was so wrong for me it should've been obvious, yet it wasn't... or what it?!

Is our desire to be accepted, even Loved, by another sooo great that we'd willingly choose partners who cannot, and never will, be able to fill that void? Is our sense of reasoning so easily thrown out the window?

It really appears so.

I once dated this woman for almost 2yrs. She would, continually, try to break me down & mold me into what she wanted me to be. Would ridicule and destroy any creative outlet I had. She would put, illogical, reasons in my head why I shouldn't be hanging out with my friends. I went along with it because I "loved" her. No, I didn't really love her, I loved the idea of having a person there. Can you relate to those thoughts & ideas?

I started diving into my biological history a bit, I had to learn what I could learn. I was following an exact pattern I didn't know was set. It appears that my biological Mothers line seems to have a flaw. I won't go into a ton of personal information but none of us are married, none of us have kids, none of us are in any healthy relationship. So very disappointing.

I would like to believe there's a possibility of something positive coming out of Life. I'd like to have the faith that something worthwhile could be made of this short existence we call Life.

Sometimes its so hard to stay positive when you have skyscrapers of negativity holding your soul at bay. Just gotta keep trudging forward. One day everything will be okay.

Filed under: Uncategorized

Tags: Adoption, Relationships

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