Broken

"A child who was adopted, no matter what the age, has a past and a present. To varying degrees, they will all struggle to integrate those pieces into their lives"

- Adoptionissues.org 'Adoptive Parents Can Only Guess'

How is it possible that an Adopted person could have a past if they were adopted at a mere few days old? Maybe it would explain a disliking for hospitals but I would hardly call that,"having a past". Yet it really is having a past though.

I was officially Adopted as a 6 day old baby. I was told, from reliable sources, that my biological Mom was long gone before that 6 day period had come. Its hard to fully fathom but they say that we might not consciously remember everything but its still stored in our memories. I know I don't like Hospitals & I have some abandonment issues, which is perfectly normal for someone who was starting a new Life by the time they were 6 days old.

What traits, fears, worries, confidences, intelligences, knowledge and wisdom did those early days of chaos and turmoil impart onto me!? What magical words of wisdom did my young ears hear and imprint on the blank canvas of my mind? No matter how you broke it down, for almost a full week, I wasn't in the loving arms of a parent or relative. I think that might be the key to some questions I had burned into my mind.

They say those first few days are crucial in a person's overall development, if that's true, I'm in deep trouble.

Troubles, adoption issues are always troublesome. When you study up on it and do a self-examination, the key is self-examination. You start to realize the little,"quirks", you thought were apart of your personality are sometimes you acting out or you rebelling against something you can't consciously understand. Rebelling against a 6 day span of Life where nothing made sense to the infantile brain.

One trouble I had growing up was an 'obvious' mixed heritage. As you might have read in, Stigmas and Scars, I was tormented about my non-caucasian  features, as I was adopted into a caucasian and caucasian area. I just can't comprehend such closed minded thought processes. Once I met my biological Mother, it all became apparent why I have those non-caucasian features that were the subject of such torment. It made me embrace those features and be glad I'm not gonna get lost amongst the masses.

Another Adoption Issue is how an Adopted person grows socially. Being that an Adopted person is rebelling or fighting back against their past, it can be really tough for an Adopted person's peers understand why you might be acting out. Why something, meant as a joke, can make that person angry. Why can they show a lack of empathy one minute and have full empathy the next?! Why do some Adopted people have gigantic amounts of friends, while others have a small group they stick with?

Sure the last one can be taken as,"Non-Adopted people can be the same way". Which is 110% right but for this discussion, we're just talking about Adopted individuals.

From living the Life of an adopted person to doing a lot of reading and research, I really do believe the quieter, more private adopted people are fierce in their desire to create a safe place in the World. A World of people (the Adopted person chose), people they feel close with. People who make the Adopted individual feel comfortable. There's a calmness in keeping your own World and sanctuary. There's a transient safety in knowing that everyone around you can be completely trusted.

Safety, it always comes back to safety and security. It always goes back to those early days of being alone in the hospital, waiting for the loving arms of a Mom and Dad.

Will my rebellion ever end or do I die being defiant to a past I can't make sense of or comprehend?

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Tags: Adoption

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