ago, a Woman gave up a child for adoption in the hopes that he would
live a Life that she could not provide for him. Such an amazing gift to
bestow upon an individual. Such beautiful beginnings.
many years of schooling, adolescence, rebellion, and what comes with
growing up, choices were made that would greatly change the future for
many people involved. Supposedly, the woman signed paper work, saying
the child could seek her out if he felt inclined to do so. He thought
the idea, of finding his roots, to be filled with amazing potential,
endless possibilities, the dreams of ignorant youth.
when the boy was halfway across the country, the woman is found, happy
to see the child she gave up so long ago. So the boy finds his way back
to familiar ground and sets up plans to meet the woman and her brood.
Soon the two will be face to face for the first time since the day of
gigantic vehicle pulls up, blocking his line of sight. The guy curses
his luck, sits back and anxiously awaits the inevitable meeting. One by
one kids get out of this vehicle, then a couple adults, then a couple
more adults, and finally an elderly type. The children are staring at
the guy, who now wishes he didn't park where me parked. A boy of about
11 or 12 walks up to the window, taps on it and asks,"Are you 'him'?".
Completely befuddled now, the guy looks in awe at the army that had just
ambushed him. He was looking at the family he didn't know he had.
sounds, blurs of imagery, food of some quality, its all a blur in the
guy's mind. Names mean nothing, as he remembers almost no ones, save his
own. A giant cacophony of some inchoate monster causing a whirling
sound in his ears. Sensory overload, the likes of which he never knew he
could feel. He slips away as the clock strikes midnight, retreating to
more familiar grounds.
If he only knew that would be the last time he'd see any of them for a decade
--Brain Bending Trauma--
"Should I email this random person?" a man asks
The woman next to him replies,"You KNOW that's not a random person. YES you need to email her already!"
"Fine but if you're wrong..." starts to say before she interrupts him
"You know I'm not wrong" the woman says, interrupting his speech
knew too that it was who he thought it was but he could show self-doubt
against overwhelming evidence. A couple days later, the woman replied
to his email.
"So we meet in 3
days? Ok, I can't wait. This'll be fun. Talk to you soon" the Man hangs
up his cell phone & begins to prepare for the couple day journey
ahead of him.
"So what are you gonna do? Are you really gonna drive all that way alone?" a man asks his friend.
His friend replies,"Maybe if I had a more reliable vehicle and someone to drive with, even then I don't know that I could do it"
"What's wrong? I thought things were good", the man inquires
not bad, yet, but too much b.s. is being thrown my way & I dunno
what to do about it, if there's even something I can do about it." the
friend says with a flourish
The man insistently says,"You gotta do what you feel is best but don't give up just because the going gets tough."
"You know me", the friend replies with grim resignation
"I know, I didn't have to say that but its just an old adage" the man says as he pats his friend on the back
appreciated. I do gotta sit here and figure out what to do. I gotta
figure out what's right for me" the friend says, seemingly losing
himself in his thoughts
you know that he didn't even let them know I was coming over there!?
They found out when I rang the doorbell!!! I wish I was joking! I
couldn't believe it, I felt like so outta place.
she's still the same, all talk and no action. From what I gather though
that's not shocking. It might not be shocking but I have a right to be
disappointed. I'm having trouble gauging the situation because I don't
know if this is normal for her or what.
talked to her twice in the last decade. The other two say she wants to
talk to me and try to develop some type of relationship with me. Well if
that was true, she's not making a gigantic effort. I'm the one who has
had to seek her out if I want to have any communication with her. Its
all so confusing."
you believe the utter crap that gets thrown at me daily now? The one
completely contradicts the other. Then the other contracts the one. Both
call the other one liars and then they get other relatives of theirs
involved, trying to persuade me into seeing things from their point of
view. It can't happen, I can't see stupid.
sorry, I didn't mean it like that but I can't take the twisted idiocy.
He's doing the,"whoa as me", crap while she's just bluntly lying to me.
Oh I know she's lying because I've had other people verify it.
wish it was so simple as walking away. I can't even fathom the concept
of dealing with that on a constant basis. My brain hurts from the lack
--Waking from Nightmares--
dealings and misgivings obviously have taken their toll. Dreams
dissolving into dust. Memories rotten through and through. The truth is
the truth but it hurts all the same. The waking rational that your
childhood dream was, just that, a dream. No silver linings or golden
One can only try so
much before there's no more will left in the individual. I have given
all the energy I can spend. I've done all the right stuff one can do, in
No fair well's, no
goodbye's, no more stress and no more drama. No more worrying about why
she, the woman who gave birth to me, talks in hypocritical terminology.
No more worrying about why all biological family does is cause me stress
The dream is dead.
I'll never walk that alley again & I'm fine with that. I said it
before and I'll remind myself again,"Genetics do not define nor make
you. You are who you are no matter who your Mom or Dad is"
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