Master Listing: The Resolutions of an ADD Woman

Master Listing: The Resolutions of an ADD Woman

Much to my chagrin, I've heard some interesting studies on NPR about the effectiveness of New Year's resolutions. Between that and my post last week about creating effective "To-Do" lists, I felt compelled to take action. So, for the first time ever, I've decided to align myself with the trend. I've resolved to resolve some shiz in my life. They say that you need to narrow your list so you can focus and stay the course. I'm not sure how narrow is narrow enough, but these are my top priorities.  Also,  the experts say it's important to be realistic. I think I've got that part covered.

 

        1. Finish College. Those parking fines and the stack of university library books from 2010 I just found in my trunk are really getting in the way of signing up for the one credit yoga class I have left to graduate.
        2. Lose 5-8 lbs. Which is going to be much more difficult now because I just gained 5 lbs while eating cheese flavored popcorn and brainstorming resolutions.
        3. Read something. Anything! From start to finish. One Hundred Years of Solitude, an issue of Marie Clare, a laundry tag, a stop sign, whatever! You can do it, Megan.
        4. Drink Less. My liver just packed a suitcase and moved to North Korea, I think. Either that or it's just making empty threats and is hanging out behind my grandparents' garage with a suitcase full of barbies about to get hungry and go home since no one realized I've been missing for hours. HOURS!!!! Wait, what? Hopefully livers have the memory of ADD 6-year-old's and mine comes home  soon.
        5. Stop cutting myself in the shower. Slow down! Seriously, if you could see a picture of my legs right now it'd look like it was taken from an episode of  Oxygen's hit murder series: Snapped.
        6. Get back into running. And not just from my life's responsibilities. I really want to run a race this spring. Like a 10k or a 5k. Is there a 1k? I just want a cool t-shirt that "wicks away sweat" and tells people how multi-dimensional and "active" I am.
        7. Make a swear jar and put a dollar in it every time I swear. Haha, just kidding. If I had a dollar for every time I swore I'd---well, I wouldn't be rich, but I'd be, like, laser-eye-surgery-rich.
        8. Clean out my underwear drawer. I think I just saw a pair from my junior year high school prom in there the other day. Those underwear are older than most middle school children! But not nearly as sexually adept. On that note, have you guys heard of period panties? They're awesome: Period Panties. I'll take one Rainbo and five Cunt Dracula's, please.
        9. Neutralize the odor of my Nalgene bottle. I assure you there is nothing environmentally friendly about what's growing on or in there. WTF! The scent just keeps coming back!!! So gross.
        10. Quit farting while men are hitting on me. Do I wonder why I'm single, Mom? No. No, I do not.
        11. Laser Hair removal!!! I keep making appointments and blowing them off. I'm gonna commit! And I know it seems unreasonable, but I do hope I look like this when I'm done:
          Kitty

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