An embarrassing AD/HD story: My first date with Tim.
Tim was adorable. He invited me over to his place and was cooking me an awesome dinner. We laughed as I helped him prepare. Things were moving along, the conversation was great. I had to pee and excused myself to use his bathroom, which was right next to the kitchen. I focused all my energy on peeing quietly because I have a neurotic fear that my regular urine stream sounds like the rushing waters of Niagara Falls. So if ever I'm faced with this situation, I have a plan. I squat a little and aim my stream directly into the inner bowl wall. This breaks the pee flow, letting it trickle down and sound more like a spring stream, beautiful and humming.
I did a great job. It was glorious. I didn’t even have to hold in a fart. Or fold a few squares of toilet paper and fart into it gently like a gypsy in the night.
Unfortunately, Tim had to pee right after me. He entered the bathroom briefly, but before peeing came out and looked at me bewildered. “Uhhhh…Megan? Are you really that considerate or did you grow up with brothers?”
“What?” I responded, confused. I walked to the bathroom.
He pointed to his toilet. Concerned, he asked, “Wait, did you just pee with the toilet seat up?”
“No. What? No. I wouldn’t do that… Maybe I did…. No, I definitely didn’t.” Was my more than awkward, blatant lie of a response as I stood in his bathroom with him and stared at his toilet.
I had no brothers. We had just talked about that while romantically chopping garlic and onions. Lying my way out was not an option. And my dad learned early on with 3 young daughters that not putting the toilet seat down could easily result in an untimely death. Or at least a lot of tears and a mop in the middle of the night. Clearly, I had sat down on Tim’s nasty, porcelain rim without noticing. I was mortified.
The rest of dinner wasn't completely terrible. Remarkably, he wanted to see me again and we dated. Unsurprisingly, our sex life was less than stimulating. We parted ways as friends after a few months.
This is an example of an AD/HD girl’s attempt at being girly and attractive, but ending up with the opposite results. Completely unattractive and totally weird. It's like a reverse magnetic effect. You can become so hyper-focused on completing a single task, that you forget to pay attention to simple details around you. Like putting a toilet seat down before peeing.
Also, on a side note… Women, pee loudly and proudly. Every man should know that a strong urine stream is a good sign of a strong vagina.
Which is an added pleasure for them, studies show. They’re called kegels. Google it. Oh, wait, this is a blog… I can google it for you: Kegel Muscles
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