I Want My $20's Back, But I'll Settle for My Toothbrush

Do you ever walk into your kitchen looking for a wine bottle opener,but you get so excited when you find your toothbrush in the utensil drawer that you forget what you came to get in the first place? And eventually after brushing your teeth you remember to go find the bottle opener, but then you realize wine and toothpaste are a bad combo, so you pour yourself some gin?

Well, these little backward scenarios happen to me all day long. I have ADD.

I was never hyper active as a kid (hence no ‘H’ in my ADD (butI’ll refer to it as AD/HD from now on)), which was a blessing and curse I think. A blessing because I could physically sit still if need be. A curse as it was much harder to diagnose my “issues” at school. “She’s such a good kid, shejust doesn’t focus…” Is a typical description of young girls with AD/HD. Inever meant to forget my homework. But on the off chance I did remember, I couldn’t find the motivation or time to do it, unless it was something that really peaked my interest. And if something really peaked my interest, watch out. I wouldn’t shut the F up about it.

Ironically, the thing about AD/HD is that it is one of thefew things that consistently peaks my interest. This is highly self-absorbed ofme, but sometimes I feel like I’m obsessed with figuring out what’s wrong with me and fixing it. I think that this “disorder” plays into that because I am constantly growing bored with who I am or what I’m doing with my life. I’malways looking to “improve it.” I often forget to reflect on the good things I have in front of me.

People younger than me may not understand this analogy, but before online checking was an option, life was, like, really really hard. A gay friend of mine in high school (who had major AD/HD tendencies) used to keep track of his checking account in a unique way. Every once in a while, he’d draw a line in his checkbook and write in his balance as $0.00. He was pretty sure therewas still like twenty bucks in there, but just to be sure, he’d start over at$0.00. At the time I thought it was a brilliant solution to a boring and mundane task. And it was.

Funny enough, this has become a metaphor for my life in that, looking back, I realize I’ve done this many times, only later to wonder what I would have spent that twenty dollars on when I had it. I’ve often scrapped what I've had to start over at zero (college degrees, boyfriends, roommates, apartments, cars, careers, etc.). Because, sometimes, when you haveAD/HD anything is better than being stuck in your current circumstance. AD/HD can feel like an immediate, physical urgency, often brought on by boredom, lack of direction, or forgetting to reflect on the bigger picture. And often followed by impulsive decisions.

If this blog becomes what I hope it will, then it will be a light-hearted, cathartic blog in which any one can share their AD/HD moments and brilliant tips to overcome mundane day-to-day tasks, and reflect on the hilarity of life. I realize the first world problem that AD/HD is, and I'm not even sure  it should be diagnosed as a 'disorder' as often as it is.

So, in an effort to ease the inherent pain that comes with the ups and downs of AD/HD, I’ve embarked on this blog. Please share your stories with me. I can’t wait to share friends’ stories as well. Maybe together we can find a way to keep track of our $20’s and invest them in something worthwhile. Like scratch ‘n wins. Or extra toothbrushes. Or gin and Adderall.

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