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Posts tagged "Wrigley Field"

Cubs and White Sox Series to Unite Fan Bases; Both Sides Vow to Pummel Any NATO Protestor that Comes Within Six Feet

Cubs and White Sox Series to Unite Fan Bases; Both Sides Vow to Pummel Any NATO Protestor that Comes Within Six Feet
CHICAGO – Normally, the annual cross-town series between the Chicago Cubs and Chicago White Sox is filled with bitter arguments fueled by liquor and ignorance.  This year, however, the two sides will come together to celebrate their united passion: hating smelly protestors with no discernible message. The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) will travel to... Read more »
By Captain Meatball,
May 14, 2012 at 11:54 pm
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Len Kasper Can't Find Statistics Showing Why Blake DeWitt Should Play for the Cubs

Len Kasper Can't Find Statistics Showing Why Blake DeWitt Should Play for the Cubs
CHICAGO – Things got pretty awkward in the Chicago Cubs broadcast booth on Sunday. The moment occurred when Chicago Cubs announcer Len Kasper was doing a segment in the fourth inning on ‘player value’ for his weekly ‘Stats Sunday’ discussion.  After Kasper got through the various statistical strengths of each player, the broadcaster got to... Read more »
By Captain Meatball,
May 7, 2012 at 1:51 am
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Cubs Sign Paul Maholm; A Look at His Tough Luck Record in Pittsburgh (Chicago Tough Chart Special)

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The Chicago Cubs signed former Pittsburgh Pirates starter Paul Maholm.  Last season, Maholm went 6-14 despite a decent 3.66 ERA.  His WHIP was a decent 1.29.  Maholm received no run support, and had players go out of their way to lose games for him… As cellar dwellars, the Pirates found different ways to lose.  Fans... Read more »
By Captain Meatball,
January 11, 2012 at 12:09 am
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Cubs President Theo Epstein Can't &*$#n Believe that Hendry Left the Bad Coffee Maker

Cubs President Theo Epstein Can't &*$#n Believe that Hendry Left the Bad Coffee Maker
CHICAGO – “You gotta be f—-n kidding me!” New Chicago Cubs President Theo Epstein noticed late Tuesday that his new office and break room were left with only one coffee maker…and it was not the one that Epstein inquired about on the tour. “I remember vividly walking into that break room.  So, I see this... Read more »
By Captain Meatball,
November 2, 2011 at 1:53 am
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How Can the Cubs Draw More Fans?

How Can the Cubs Draw More Fans?
stLight.options({ publisher:'18355ba4-a04c-4a33-a76f-847aadfc0f80', onhover:false }); Click Here for PollOnline SurveyConjoint Analysis | Polls | Mobile Surveys | Feedback TabView MicroPoll... Read more »
By Captain Meatball,
April 7, 2011 at 1:01 am
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Why Baseball Matters (Editorial)

Why Baseball Matters (Editorial)
(Here at Chicago Tough write on sports satire…today, we’re taking some time off.) I used to put my uniform on three hours early.  It was a pullover top with the name of some Major League Team stretched across the chest.  We had tan elastic pants and makeshift stirrups from some cheap athletic distribution center.  I... Read more »
By Captain Meatball,
March 29, 2011 at 2:07 am
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Top 10 Things Rahm Emanuel Can Do to Change Chicago Sports

Top 10 Things Rahm Emanuel Can Do to Change Chicago Sports
The people have spoken. Rahm Emanuel is Chicago’s new mayor. Here at Chicago Tough, we’re not really sure what to make of this development. We do know that Rahm is a man who gets things done. He goes behind people’s backs to make sure issues are resolved. He’s not afraid to get his hands dirty... Read more »
By Captain Meatball,
February 23, 2011 at 2:06 am
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Breaking up with the Cubs

Breaking up with the Cubs
Dear Cubs, A lot has changed since we met.  It was 1987.  Wrigley Field didn’t have lights.  The only people who watched your games on the rooftop were construction workers making repairs to the aged buildings. Those were the days…it was so innocent. I was happy with you as a last place team.  You were... Read more »
By Captain Meatball,
June 20, 2010 at 9:29 pm
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Chicago Tough Editorial, May 28th...Where the Meatballs Are

Chicago Tough Editorial, May 28th...Where the Meatballs Are
Dear Readers, Our site is a joke.  It’s made for laughs and nothing more.  However, every once in a while, we need to take a breather and share some serious insight to today’s events. It has been brought to our attention that a former Homewood-Flossmoor star by the name of John Ely has pitched fantastically... Read more »
By Captain Meatball,
May 28, 2010 at 12:06 am
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