Posts tagged "NHL"

Blackhawks Can't Believe President Obama not in Locker Room to Present President's Trophy

Blackhawks Can't Believe President Obama not in Locker Room to Present President's Trophy
EDMONTON- Standing in the locker room after the Chicago Blackhawks defeated the Edmonton Oilers 4-1 to win their first President’s Trophy since 1991, rookie skater Drew LeBlanc echoed the sentiments of many Hawks players. “What the fuck is this?” LeBlanc, playing in his first NHL game, was told by many Blackhawks that President Barack Obama would... Read more »

Area Man Resorts to Baking Cookies in Lieu of NHL Lockout; Checks into Hospital

Area Man Resorts to Baking Cookies in Lieu of NHL Lockout; Checks into Hospital
CHICAGO – The nights have been fairly ordinary for Robert Dolan of Evergreen Park during the late fall of 2012. “Well, you know, I’ve been picking up some books I’ve been meaning to read for awhile.  Really got into some crafts; started constructing a new train village for my model trains.  Oooh!  And I’ve been... Read more »

Gary Bettman Resumes Role as 'That Asshole on Your Block Who Won't Answer His Door on Halloween"

Gary Bettman Resumes Role as 'That Asshole on Your Block Who Won't Answer His Door on Halloween"
NEW YORK – Sitting in his posh complex in the lower east side of Manhattan, National Hockey League commissioner Gary Bettman celebrated the cancellation of the annual New Year’s Day Winter Classic celebration. Sipping from his scotch, his legs kicked up on his ottoman, the ‘commish’ belted out an edited version of his favorite song.... Read more »
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'Twas the Night Before a Chicago Tough Christmas...

'Twas the Night Before a Chicago Tough Christmas...
‘Twas the night before a Chicago Tough Christmas, when all through the house No food was remaining, all eaten by Jerry Krause! The stockings were hung by the chimney with care In hopes that Matt Forte would return next year healthy; and hopefully a Bear. The children of Chicago; all snug in their beds Have... Read more »

Survey of Female Blackhawks Fans Coping With Patrick Sharp Injury

Survey of Female Blackhawks Fans Coping With Patrick Sharp Injury

JOEL QUENNEVILLE ABLE TO WATER MOUSTACHE AFTER HAWKS FINALLY WIN

ST. PAUL- Chicago Blackhawks head coach and mustachioed extraordinaire Joel Quenneville told his players last week that he wouldn’t water his well-coiffed moustache until the Blackhawks put together a solid sixty minutes. What he sacrificed for love. Wednesday night, the Blackhawks obliged.  Following a dominating 4-0 win against the Minnesota Wild, ‘Coach Q’ sped through... Read more »
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