Posts tagged "Lou Piniella"

Ryne Sandberg Decides that the Homecoming Dance is a Stupid Dance Anyway, and if the Chicago Cubs Wanted to Ask Him They Would've Done Something Already

WOODFIELD MALL- Sitting amongst a gaggle of teenage girls, Schaumburg Saxons junior Ryne Sandberg was miffed.     After years of dedication to senior quarterback Jim Hendry, the QB stated that he’s not going to take his best friend ‘Ryno’ to the homecoming dance.  Instead, after his long and disappointing breakup with the airy Lynette Piniella, Hendry decided... Read more »

Piniella Demands Management Find Another .251 Hitting First Baseman That He Can Bat Third On a Daily Basis for No Apparent Reason

CHICAGO- The ship be sinkin’. Moments after the Chicago Cubs’ gutless and cringe-inducing performance against the San Diego Padres, team officials notified the press that Derrek Lee had been traded to the Atlanta Braves for three prospects. In the post-game press conference, the huddled mass of scribes, cameras, and recorders caught the first reactions of the... Read more »

Lou Piniella retires; recounts fabulous afternoon at Ponderosa

Lou Piniella retires; recounts fabulous afternoon at Ponderosa
CHICAGO- The focus was supposed to be on the retirement of a managerial legend. Unfortunately for the media, Chicago Cubs skipper Lou Piniella spent the second half of his press conference talking about the ladder portion of his afternoon. “You go inside this…this, this, this, this…Ponderosa. And they’ve got, got…uh…you know, they’ve got…food. Lots of... Read more »
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Lou Piniella's bust for the Hall of Fame of Bad Ideas Bronzed

Lou Piniella’s bust for the Hall of Fame of Bad Ideas Bronzed MADRID- The world renowned Hall of Fame of Bad Ideas in Madrid, Spain has a new inhabitant.  The Hall of Fame replicates moments of horrific decision making in our world’s history, and this week the organization has welcomed its newest member; Lou Piniella.... Read more »

CUBS QUICKLY REMOVE SEAN MARSHALL FROM OPENER AFTER LEARNING HE CAN PITCH

ATLANTA- Immediately after Sean Marshall retired his eighth consecutive batter Monday, Cubs manager Lou Piniella removed him from the game.  Marshall is the Cubs’ premier long reliever.  A former starter, Marshall is able to crank seven innings out of the bullpen.  But not Monday.  The Cubs were determined to make sure that only the physically... Read more »

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