Posts tagged "horoscope"

Chicago Tough Horoscope (NATO Pat Summitt Edition!) 5/17-5/23

Chicago Tough Horoscope (NATO Pat Summitt Edition!) 5/17-5/23
We here at Chicago Tough find it imperative that out international visitors receive a warm welcome. This weekend is the annual NATO Summit.  Chicago has a chance to showcase its beauty to the world!  For us, we don’t know how to give people a warm welcome…it’s not our strong suit.  As a matter of fact,... Read more »

Chicago Tough Horoscope Super Bowl Edition

Chicago Tough Horoscope Super Bowl Edition
It’s official!  The New York Giants and New England Patriots are going to lock horns for the World’s Championship of Professional Football.  For this Super Bowl we’ll just call it the ‘Two Really Obnoxious and Annoying East Coast Fan Bases Yelling at Each Other for Two Weeks.”  Sound good?  You know what sounds better?  My... Read more »

Chicago Tough Horoscope Week of January 15th

Chicago Tough Horoscope Week of January 15th
Want to get next week off to a good start?  We have the earliest release of next week’s horoscope.  Why?  Well..see…we already know what’s going to happen…so why wait? Aries (3/21-4/19) This is the week you realize that grabbing all of the pennies in the mall fountain does not grant you all of the wishes…it... Read more »
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Chicago Tough Horoscope November 11th to November 17th

Chicago Tough Horoscope November 11th to November 17th
Aries March 21-April 19 Revenge will be yours this week when it’s the dog’s homework that winds up being eaten. Taurus April 20-May 20 You find out this week that the local furniture store’s claim that ‘everything must go’ does not mean the hot cashier from aisle 12. Gemini May 21-June 21 Years of scholarly... Read more »

Horoscope of the Week: May 22-28

Horoscope of the Week: May 22-28
Aries (3/21-4/19)  Nice guys will finish last this week…oddly enough, they will also finish first…because nobody wants to race against an asshole. Taurus (4/20-5/20) This week you will feel centered and calm…and even better; calm enough to pass Maury’s lie detector. Gemini (5/21-6/21) A workplace epiphany that will change your outlook on life will come... Read more »

Your Chicago Tough Horoscope (4/24-4/30)

Your Chicago Tough Horoscope (4/24-4/30)
Aries (3/21-4/19) Take time in the lives of the children around you…but after watching ‘The Royal Wedding’ shows. Taurus (4/20-5/20) Be true to yourself.  And if that means finishing a box of Golden Grahams in one sitting, then, so be it! Gemini (5/21-6/21) Know your limits.  That means having your Klingon Bird of Prey cruiser... Read more »
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Your Weekly Horoscope (March 28-April 3)

Your Weekly Horoscope (March 28-April 3)
Aries (3/21-4/19) An ambitious streak will unfortunately hit you as soon as you reach the 90/94 split during rush hour leading to a 500 car pileup. Taurus (4/20-5/20) You never thought that Vanessa Williams’ ‘Save the Best for Last’ would be background music to a knife fight in Humboldt Park, but, alas. Gemini (5/21-6/21) Keeping your nose to the... Read more »

Chicago Tough Horoscope of the Week

Chicago Tough Horoscope of the Week
Aries (March 21-April 19) – This week brings a yearning for new ideas.  Unfortunately new ideas won’t cure your clubbed feet. Taurus (April 20-May 20) – Easy will do it, this week.  That’s until you discover those #@%ers at General Mills forgot to include red balloons in your Lucky Charms. Gemini (May 21-June 21)  Take... Read more »

Your Chicago Tough Horoscope (Week of February 13th)

Your Chicago Tough Horoscope (Week of February 13th)
Aries – (March 21-April 19) Friendships and involvement in group activities will play an important part in your weekend…but that, of course, is the only way an underground gambling book can work. Taurus – (April 20-May 20) Share your life experiences with a younger person in your life.  This should provide instant gratification, but since you’re a convicted... Read more »
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Chicago Tough Horoscope January 29th

Chicago Tough Horoscope January 29th
Aries (March 21-April 19) Take a vacation, even if only for a few hours. Your boss won’t smell the alcohol on your breath after lunch anyway. Taurus (April 20-May 20) State your own position clearly and logically. Then open fire. Gemini (May 21-June 21)  Everything seems to be flowing with great ease. Blood will do... Read more »