Posts tagged "Chicago Tough Horoscope"

Chicago Tough Horoscope (NATO Pat Summitt Edition!) 5/17-5/23

Chicago Tough Horoscope (NATO Pat Summitt Edition!) 5/17-5/23
We here at Chicago Tough find it imperative that out international visitors receive a warm welcome. This weekend is the annual NATO Summit.  Chicago has a chance to showcase its beauty to the world!  For us, we don’t know how to give people a warm welcome…it’s not our strong suit.  As a matter of fact,... Read more »

Chicago Tough Horoscope (5/1-5/7)

Chicago Tough Horoscope (5/1-5/7)
The world’s best horoscope is here.  Enjoy. Aries (3/21-4/19) This week you’ll experience depression, angst, and fear…normal reactions that come with realizing that you’re out of beer. Taurus (4/20-5/20)  Firefighters will respond to a fire at Benson’s Beddings after you’re thoroughly convinced that the company’s insistence that ‘everything must go’ includes the building itself and the workers inside. Gemini... Read more »

Chicago Tough Horoscope Super Bowl Edition

Chicago Tough Horoscope Super Bowl Edition
It’s official!  The New York Giants and New England Patriots are going to lock horns for the World’s Championship of Professional Football.  For this Super Bowl we’ll just call it the ‘Two Really Obnoxious and Annoying East Coast Fan Bases Yelling at Each Other for Two Weeks.”  Sound good?  You know what sounds better?  My... Read more »
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Chicago Tough Horoscope Week of January 15th

Chicago Tough Horoscope Week of January 15th
Want to get next week off to a good start?  We have the earliest release of next week’s horoscope.  Why?  Well..see…we already know what’s going to happen…so why wait? Aries (3/21-4/19) This is the week you realize that grabbing all of the pennies in the mall fountain does not grant you all of the wishes…it... Read more »

Your Chicago Tough Horoscope (4/24-4/30)

Your Chicago Tough Horoscope (4/24-4/30)
Aries (3/21-4/19) Take time in the lives of the children around you…but after watching ‘The Royal Wedding’ shows. Taurus (4/20-5/20) Be true to yourself.  And if that means finishing a box of Golden Grahams in one sitting, then, so be it! Gemini (5/21-6/21) Know your limits.  That means having your Klingon Bird of Prey cruiser... Read more »

Chicago Tough Horoscope (4/6-4/12)

Chicago Tough Horoscope (4/6-4/12)
Aries (3/21-4/19) You will finally realize this week that Milk of Magnesia does not come from roaming Magnesias. Taurus (4/20-5/20) Your past will come to light…in the form of a large light…that will block you from seeing the past…which is good…considering it involves a lot of rape. Gemini (5/21-6/21) Now isn’t the time to start your... Read more »
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Your Weekly Horoscope (March 28-April 3)

Your Weekly Horoscope (March 28-April 3)
Aries (3/21-4/19) An ambitious streak will unfortunately hit you as soon as you reach the 90/94 split during rush hour leading to a 500 car pileup. Taurus (4/20-5/20) You never thought that Vanessa Williams’ ‘Save the Best for Last’ would be background music to a knife fight in Humboldt Park, but, alas. Gemini (5/21-6/21) Keeping your nose to the... Read more »

Your Chicago Tough Horoscope (Week of February 13th)

Your Chicago Tough Horoscope (Week of February 13th)
Aries – (March 21-April 19) Friendships and involvement in group activities will play an important part in your weekend…but that, of course, is the only way an underground gambling book can work. Taurus – (April 20-May 20) Share your life experiences with a younger person in your life.  This should provide instant gratification, but since you’re a convicted... Read more »

Chicago Tough Horoscope (12/2-12/8)

Chicago Tough Horoscope (12/2-12/8)
Aries (March 21-April 19) Your dreams are stirring up your desire for change. It might be time to stop dreaming that you’re Optimus Prime. Taurus (April 20-May 20)  Social activities will cement relationships.  Unfortunately the social activity is standing in a wheelbarrow of concrete.  Gemini (May 21-June 21)  Use all the facts at your disposal, as you... Read more »
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Chicago Tough Horoscope (11/11-11/17)

Aries (March 21-April 19)  You get more done today by focusing intensely on one question at a time. But the first question will be ‘Should I wake up?’.  The answer will be ‘no’.  A second question will not be needed until 1 p.m. Taurus (April 20-May 20) Your answers can not be found by drinking... Read more »
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