Posts tagged "Chicago Cubs"

GOD FORCED TO INJURE GARZA AFTER TRADE FALLS THROUGH

GOD FORCED TO INJURE GARZA AFTER TRADE FALLS THROUGH
HEAVEN – Sitting on his throne, God sifted through his daily responsibilities: trying to prevent war, promote peace, and create love. Unfortunately, while sitting at his desk early Monday morning, news approached that he’d been fearing all week: the Cubs weren’t able to trade Matt Garza before his next start. “Oh, goodness. Again?! How many... Read more »

Dioner Navarro Becomes First Player Ever to Order Portillo's While Rounding Third

Dioner Navarro Becomes First Player Ever to Order Portillo's While Rounding Third
CHICAGO – Baseball history was made at U.S. Cellular Field late Monday night when Chicago Cubs catcher Dioner Navarro became the first Major League Baseball player to order food while rounding third base. The situation arose in the top of the 8th inning of a 2-2 ballgame.  Luis Valbuena stroked a go-ahead double into left-center... Read more »

Texas Man Taken Off Death Row; Forced Instead to Watch Brent Lillibridge Plate Appearances on a Loop

Texas Man Taken Off Death Row; Forced Instead to Watch Brent Lillibridge Plate Appearances on a Loop
AUSTIN – Notification came down from the governor’s mansion in Austin, Texas that current inmate James Riverton will not be executed through lethal injection. A press release late Tuesday stated that Governor Rick Perry will no longer accept the death penalty as an acceptable punishment for the convicted.  Instead, all prisoners on death row will... Read more »
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Twas the Night Before the Cubs Home Opener

Twas the Night Before the Cubs Home Opener
Twas the night before the home opener, when all around the Cubs There seemed to be a stench; hovering over it were bugs The ‘W’ flags were hung by the flagpoles with care, In hopes they’d be used before Ernie Banks gets back hair   The children were nestled in bed; feeling quite rich, But... Read more »

New Special Seating at Wrigley to Block View of Cubs Third Basemen

New Special Seating at Wrigley to Block View of Cubs Third Basemen
CHICAGO – The Chicago Cubs announced late Monday that new provisions would be installed to make the ‘baseball experience’ at Wrigley Field more enjoyable. The main provision is to install several seats in each aisle that have blockades shielding fans from viewing whoever is playing at third base. “We felt that this was our best... Read more »

Cubs Accept Tunney's Offer to Move Scoreboard; Board will Turn Around to Keep Neighborhood Aware of Cubs' Games in Rosemont

Cubs Accept Tunney's Offer to Move Scoreboard; Board will Turn Around to Keep Neighborhood Aware of Cubs' Games in Rosemont
CHICAGO – In a surprising turn of events, Chicago Cubs owner Tom Ricketts met with alderman Tom Tunney in regards to the Cubs’ renovation of Wrigley Field.  Just hours after Tunney made an odd request stating that the Cubs could move or remove their legendary scoreboard, Cubs brass shockingly took Tunney up on the offer. “We could... Read more »
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Future Hall of Famer Tony Campana Traded From Cubs; Heart to be Retired at Flag Pole

Future Hall of Famer Tony Campana Traded From Cubs; Heart to be Retired at Flag Pole
CHICAGO – In a trade that will surely rival Frank Robinson’s shipment to Baltimore in 1966 and Lou Brock’s move to St. Louis in 1964, the Chicago Cubs traded future Hall of Fame outfielder Tony Campana to the Arizona Diamondbacks for two pitching prospects. “It was a tough decision,” stated Cubs GM Jed Hoyer.  “We... Read more »

Cubs Fans to Give Up Hope for Lent

Cubs Fans to Give Up Hope for Lent
MESA – Standing just yards away from some of her favorite Chicago Cubs, Dorothy Lawrence had to shake her head and walk away. “It just isn’t worth it anymore,” said the 85 year old Cubs fan from Scottsdale.  “Well, it isn’t worth it for about forty days.” Lawrence is a member of a large group... Read more »

Cubs Management Caves into Wrigley Traditionalists; Announce Radical Changes

Cubs Management Caves into Wrigley Traditionalists; Announce Radical Changes
CHICAGO – After hours of meetings with team officials, Chicago Cubs owner Tom Ricketts has done a 180 on Wrigley Field renovations. “After our announcement of the million dollar renovations at Wrigley Field, I heard from many Cubs fans that were against the changes.  They want to keep Wrigley the same.  It’s apparent to me that they... Read more »
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Area Autograph Seeker Gets Set for 2013 Cubs Convention; 'Children Will not be Spared', per Attendee

Area Autograph Seeker Gets Set for 2013 Cubs Convention; 'Children Will not be Spared', per Attendee
ARLINGTON HEIGHTS – This Friday will mark Larry Morton’s 15th consecutive Cubs Convention.  This year, at the Sheridan Towers, Morton plans on showing up with a new philosophy: no apologies. Every year, the die-hard Cubs fan has been on the front lines of aggressive autograph seekers.  For years, he’s been more than willing to give... Read more »
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