Tag: Barack Obama

Blackhawks Can't Believe President Obama not in Locker Room to Present President's Trophy

Blackhawks Can't Believe President Obama not in Locker Room to Present President's Trophy
EDMONTON- Standing in the locker room after the Chicago Blackhawks defeated the Edmonton Oilers 4-1 to win their first President’s Trophy since 1991, rookie skater Drew LeBlanc echoed the sentiments of many Hawks players. “What the fuck is this?” LeBlanc, playing in his first NHL game, was told by many Blackhawks that President Barack Obama would... Read more »

Sixth Grade Summer Schoolers Finding Ways to Insert 'R.A. Dickey' Into Sentences

Sixth Grade Summer Schoolers Finding Ways to Insert 'R.A. Dickey' Into Sentences
ARLINGTON HEIGHTS – Jennifer Allen of Roosevelt Middle School thought that teaching an summer school class wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Unfortunately for Allen and many other area grade school teachers, a new menace has found its way into the classroom: R.A. Dickey. “I’m not naive,” said a tired Allen.  “I’ve been in... Read more »

Cubs and White Sox Series to Unite Fan Bases; Both Sides Vow to Pummel Any NATO Protestor that Comes Within Six Feet

Cubs and White Sox Series to Unite Fan Bases; Both Sides Vow to Pummel Any NATO Protestor that Comes Within Six Feet
CHICAGO – Normally, the annual cross-town series between the Chicago Cubs and Chicago White Sox is filled with bitter arguments fueled by liquor and ignorance.  This year, however, the two sides will come together to celebrate their united passion: hating smelly protestors with no discernible message. The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) will travel to... Read more »
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President Obama Unable to Interrupt No-Hitter with Special Forces Helicopter Landing

President Obama Unable to Interrupt No-Hitter with Special Forces Helicopter Landing
CHICAGO- Only days after sending U.S. Special Forces to Pakistan to kill terrorist Osama Bin Ladin, U.S. President Barack Obama tried to disrupt a baseball game in the same manner. U.S. Special Operations flew two helicopters above U.S. Cellular Field during the ninth inning of Francisco Liriano’s no-hitter against the White Sox.  Unfortunately for Obama and... Read more »

BULLS ASK CIRQUE DU' SOLEIL TO TAKE OVER REMAINING HOME DATES

CHICAGO- In a move to put the greater Chicago metropolitan region at ease, the Chicago Bulls are announcing that the tour of Cirque Du’ Soleil will be showing in the United Center until April 13th…the final home game for the Chicago Bulls. “We saw what Illinois was able to get out of by having the... Read more »