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This Week in Chicago Tough Sports History May 14th-May20th

This Week in Chicago Tough Sports History May 14th-May20th
The following is based on actual events that happened in sports this week…years ago: May 14th 1938 - English soccer team beats Nazi-Germany, 6-3…A vehement Adolf Hitler promises revenge by stating, “We will dedicate ourselves to developing the best soccer team in the wo-…Oh, F—it, let’s just bomb the sh—out of ‘em.” May 15th 1912... Read more »
By Captain Meatball,
May 14, 2012 at 1:29 am
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Patrick Kane Doesn't Remember Getting Signatures to Participate in Wisconsin Gubernatorial Run-Off Election

Patrick Kane Doesn't Remember Getting Signatures to Participate in Wisconsin Gubernatorial Run-Off Election
MADISON – Much has been made of Chicago Blackhawks winger Patrick Kane and his weekend romp through the Wisconsin capital.  Stories of drunkenness, profanity, and lude behavior at the Mifflin Street Block Party have circulated throughout the web…but it’s a new development that’s shocking the political landscape. “Somebody dropped off a stack of loose-leaf paper... Read more »
By Captain Meatball,
May 11, 2012 at 2:47 am
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Crazed Nuggets Fan Who Walked on the Court's Favorite Memorabilia at Home (Exclusive!)

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If you haven’t seen the video of the crazy woman walking onto the court during Game 4 of the NBA Playoffs last night…I’m sorry.  It’s pretty wild. (CLICK HERE) Apparently, the lady was looking for Kenyon Martin.  Martin, obviously, hasn’t been on the Nuggets for quite sometime.  Word on the street is that the lady... Read more »
By Captain Meatball,
May 8, 2012 at 12:23 am
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Len Kasper Can't Find Statistics Showing Why Blake DeWitt Should Play for the Cubs

Len Kasper Can't Find Statistics Showing Why Blake DeWitt Should Play for the Cubs
CHICAGO – Things got pretty awkward in the Chicago Cubs broadcast booth on Sunday. The moment occurred when Chicago Cubs announcer Len Kasper was doing a segment in the fourth inning on ‘player value’ for his weekly ‘Stats Sunday’ discussion.  After Kasper got through the various statistical strengths of each player, the broadcaster got to... Read more »
By Captain Meatball,
May 7, 2012 at 1:51 am
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Carlos Marmol Inducted Into Crappy Cubs Closer Hall of Fame

Carlos Marmol Inducted Into Crappy Cubs Closer Hall of Fame
CHICAGO – In 1975, Donald Knowles and Oscar Zamora had an idea that would solidify their place in Chicago Cubs history. After combining for 25 saves and yielding a combined ERA of 5.47, Zamora and Knowles founded the CCHOF (The Crappy Cubs Closer Hall of Fame). “I was coming off three straight world championships in... Read more »
By Captain Meatball,
May 4, 2012 at 12:59 am
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Redskins Owner Daniel Snyder Suspended One Year for Putting Bounties on Old Free Agents

Redskins Owner Daniel Snyder Suspended One Year for Putting Bounties on Old Free Agents
ASHBURN, VIRGINIA- Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder received some stern words from NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell on Thursday. “Sign old guys past their prime…and you can sign your name off the game of football.” Just one day after ‘Bountygate’ suspensions shocked the football world; Goodell took his punishments to the much beleaguered Skins owner. “We... Read more »
By Captain Meatball,
May 3, 2012 at 2:47 am
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Chicago Tough Horoscope (5/1-5/7)

Chicago Tough Horoscope (5/1-5/7)
The world’s best horoscope is here.  Enjoy. Aries (3/21-4/19) This week you’ll experience depression, angst, and fear…normal reactions that come with realizing that you’re out of beer. Taurus (4/20-5/20)  Firefighters will respond to a fire at Benson’s Beddings after you’re thoroughly convinced that the company’s insistence that ‘everything must go’ includes the building itself and the workers inside. Gemini... Read more »
By Captain Meatball,
May 2, 2012 at 2:36 am
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Joe Cowley Upset at Twitter Deletion; Stuck Verbally Attacking Women in Person

Joe Cowley Upset at Twitter Deletion; Stuck Verbally Attacking Women in Person
CHICAGO- On Monday, the Twitter account of Chicago Sun-Times sports columnist Joe Cowley was deleted after numerous sexist comments. Unfortunately for Cowley, the Sun-Times scribe was halted from his normal pastime of harassing women on Twitter.  However, the former White Sox beat writer has found other ways to satisfy his craving. “They can try to stop me. ... Read more »
By Captain Meatball,
May 1, 2012 at 1:42 am
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The Sum of our Fears

The Sum of our Fears
(Chicago Tough normally does comedic pieces, but after today’s Bulls game, we’re taking some time away…pardon us.) If you’re over 50 and grew up in the Chicago area, you’ve seen this tape before. Saturday, on a move that was so typical of the Chicago Bulls’ stalwart point guard, All-Star point guard Derrick Rose left his... Read more »
By Captain Meatball,
April 29, 2012 at 4:06 am
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Dick Butkus Interviews New Chicago Bears Draft Pick Shea McClellin

Dick Butkus Interviews New Chicago Bears Draft Pick Shea McClellin
(The following is a mythical conversation between Dick Butkus and Chicago Bears first round draft pick Shea McClellin.  Butkus will only be available for three days before going back into hibernation.) BUTKUS: Do you know who I am? MCCLELLIN: Yeah…uh…you’re Dick But– BUTKUS: Silence!  I am Dick Butkus.  I hath risen, once again, for three... Read more »
By Captain Meatball,
April 27, 2012 at 2:06 am
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