Posts in category "Chicago Cubs"

Wrigley Field Bleachers Open After Ceremonial First 'Bro Brawl'

Wrigley Field Bleachers Open After Ceremonial First 'Bro Brawl'
CHICAGO – Chicago Cubs owner Tom Ricketts was excited Monday to reveal the newly finished left field bleachers at Wrigley Field. “It’s taken a lot of effort, despite delays, and we just want to thank our fans for being so patient,” said Ricketts.  “We also want everybody to know that we plan on keeping the... Read more »

GOD FORCED TO INJURE GARZA AFTER TRADE FALLS THROUGH

GOD FORCED TO INJURE GARZA AFTER TRADE FALLS THROUGH
HEAVEN – Sitting on his throne, God sifted through his daily responsibilities: trying to prevent war, promote peace, and create love. Unfortunately, while sitting at his desk early Monday morning, news approached that he’d been fearing all week: the Cubs weren’t able to trade Matt Garza before his next start. “Oh, goodness. Again?! How many... Read more »

Dioner Navarro Becomes First Player Ever to Order Portillo's While Rounding Third

Dioner Navarro Becomes First Player Ever to Order Portillo's While Rounding Third
CHICAGO – Baseball history was made at U.S. Cellular Field late Monday night when Chicago Cubs catcher Dioner Navarro became the first Major League Baseball player to order food while rounding third base. The situation arose in the top of the 8th inning of a 2-2 ballgame.  Luis Valbuena stroked a go-ahead double into left-center... Read more »
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Cubs Fans to Give Up Hope for Lent

Cubs Fans to Give Up Hope for Lent
MESA – Standing just yards away from some of her favorite Chicago Cubs, Dorothy Lawrence had to shake her head and walk away. “It just isn’t worth it anymore,” said the 85 year old Cubs fan from Scottsdale.  “Well, it isn’t worth it for about forty days.” Lawrence is a member of a large group... Read more »

Cubs Management Caves into Wrigley Traditionalists; Announce Radical Changes

Cubs Management Caves into Wrigley Traditionalists; Announce Radical Changes
CHICAGO – After hours of meetings with team officials, Chicago Cubs owner Tom Ricketts has done a 180 on Wrigley Field renovations. “After our announcement of the million dollar renovations at Wrigley Field, I heard from many Cubs fans that were against the changes.  They want to keep Wrigley the same.  It’s apparent to me that they... Read more »

Area Autograph Seeker Gets Set for 2013 Cubs Convention; 'Children Will not be Spared', per Attendee

Area Autograph Seeker Gets Set for 2013 Cubs Convention; 'Children Will not be Spared', per Attendee
ARLINGTON HEIGHTS – This Friday will mark Larry Morton’s 15th consecutive Cubs Convention.  This year, at the Sheridan Towers, Morton plans on showing up with a new philosophy: no apologies. Every year, the die-hard Cubs fan has been on the front lines of aggressive autograph seekers.  For years, he’s been more than willing to give... Read more »
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Cubs Set to Hire Morgan Freeman as New Analyst; Impressed by Ability to Make Crap Sound Great

Cubs Set to Hire Morgan Freeman as New Analyst; Impressed by Ability to Make Crap Sound Great
CHICAGO – It took only a couple of moments for Chicago Cubs mastermind Tom Ricketts to hire acclaimed actor Morgan Freeman as the team’s new colour analyst. “We got the demo tape, and…I think he was giving commentary on a Cubs-Padres game last year, but…it just sounded so…beautiful.” The Cubs received word yesterday that Bob... Read more »

A Celebration of 100 Losses

A Celebration of 100 Losses
(A special thanks to Bullpen Brian who can be found at www.bullpenbrian.com, for publishing this article.  This will be the first of several articles you’ll see before the end of the year regarding the Cubs on Brian’s site.  Brian has been arguably the most dedicated Cubs blogger this year…while many Cubs blogs have taken a... Read more »

Mitt Romney Confident 47 Percent of Cubs Fans Will Still Like Tony Campana For No Reason

Mitt Romney Confident 47 Percent of Cubs Fans Will Still Like Tony Campana For No Reason
LAKE FOREST – During a lunch hour fundraiser, Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney stirred up the Chicago-area crowd by speaking on a controversial issue…Chicago Cubs outfielder Tony Campana. “Every time you look at these polls of Cubs fans’ approval rating for Tony Campana, you see that 47% number is locked in.  47%, 47%, 47%.  Where... Read more »
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Chicago Tough Podcast Deluxe (Samardzija Shutdown, White Sox, Bears, and Big Ten Football...OH MY!)

Chicago Tough Podcast Deluxe (Samardzija Shutdown, White Sox, Bears, and Big Ten Football...OH MY!)
I am joined by Bullpen Brian from www.bullpenbrian.com to go over the Jeff Samardzija shutdown, the cruddy AL Central race, other races around baseball, why the O’s low attendance will not be an issue, Bears vs. Colts, Big Ten non-supremacy…and my love for the world! Subscribe to the podcast on itunes by searching ‘Chicago Tough’... Read more »