Posts in category "Chicago Bulls"

Bulls Hire Former MTV Analysts to Install Rock 'N' Jock 10 Point Shots: Hope to Close in on Heat

Bulls Hire Former MTV Analysts to Install Rock 'N' Jock 10 Point Shots: Hope to Close in on Heat
MIAMI – Chicago Bulls management is hoping a new petition to the NBA will be accepted prior to Game 5 of their Eastern Conference Semifinals series with the Miami Heat. The new provision would allow the Bulls to install Rock ‘n Jock 10 point shots near the team’s opposing basket. “Listen, it’s not fair,” stated Chicago Bulls head... Read more »

Ghost of Norm Van Lier Seen in Comcast Studios Swinging Wildly at Sidney Green; Unable to Connect

Ghost of Norm Van Lier Seen in Comcast Studios Swinging Wildly at Sidney Green; Unable to Connect
CHICAGO – After the sudden suspension of Kendall Gill from the Chicago Bulls’ post-game show on Comcast SportsNet Chicago, the station scrambled to find an able replacement. What Comcast found was Sidney Green; a former Bulls player whose contributions to their 1980′s squads was minimal. Green’s post-game comments have garnered reviews as apathetic as his commentary. What... Read more »

ESPN's Bristol Headquarters Spontaneously Combust After Bulls Victory Over Miami Heat

ESPN's Bristol Headquarters Spontaneously Combust After Bulls Victory Over Miami Heat
BRISTOL – A fiery ball of light could be seen as far away as New York City late Wednesday night.  The explosion was the result of the Miami Heat’s 27 game winning streak coming to an end at the hands of the Chicago Bulls.  ESPN’s Bristol, Connecticut facilities combusted shortly after the buzzer sounded at Chicago’s... Read more »
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Rajon Rondo's ACL Tear Not As Good As Rose's Either

Rajon Rondo's ACL Tear Not As Good As Rose's Either
BOSTON – As if not being as good as Derrick Rose wasn’t worse enough, Boston Celtics point guard Rajon Rondo received word late Monday that his ACL tear isn’t as bad as Rose’s either. “It’s pretty obvious that this is a tear,” stated Dr. Henry Fleischmann.  “However, the tear itself is nowhere near to the... Read more »

Local Middle School Teachers Prepare for New School Year and Ridiculous Proclomations on How LeBron is the Greatest Player of All-Time

Local Middle School Teachers Prepare for New School Year and Ridiculous Proclomations on How LeBron is the Greatest Player of All-Time
BUFFALO GROVE – “Oh, God…here we go again,” muttered Cooper Middle School teacher Jenny Kravec.  “I swear to God I have to do this more with each passing year.” Mrs. Kravec’s 7th grade biology class was interrupted Monday by an argument between Andy Goldsmith and Patrick Herring. “First day of school.  Seriously?  First day of school... Read more »

Eight NBA Owners Trying to Outbid Each Other for African 'Power Forward' Requesting $50.000.000 USD As Immediate Deposit

Eight NBA Owners Trying to Outbid Each Other for African 'Power Forward' Requesting $50.000.000 USD As Immediate Deposit
Contracts throughout the National Basketball Association are out of control once again. While potential signings of Omer Asik and Jeremy Lin continue to boggle most NBA scribes…figures even more absurd abound.  The biggest heist may involve a Sudanese power forward that nobody has seen. “We’re imagining a 6’11″ power forward with great upside.  He sounds lanky…but... Read more »
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RedEye 5 on 5 and Other Thoughts: Text 'tue4' to 87708 to vote for me

RedEye 5 on 5 and Other Thoughts: Text 'tue4' to 87708 to vote for me
Wuddup folks!  This week at Chicago Tough we’ve got some pretty big announcements going on (no joke)…I’ll keep you informed. So, the White Sox start a gigantor (yes, that’s a new word I invented…gigantor) series with the Texas Rangers.  The winner of the best-of-three set reigns supreme over the world…okay, they just get a leg... Read more »

Cubs History Studies Continue Until Saturday; My Top Five Bulls Moments

Some of you might now, and some of you may not…but I’m going to be a contestant on The Batter’s Box on Comcast SportsNet.  This will entail studying mad amounts of Cubs history. While I’ve been going over it for two weeks, the last two days have been FULL THROTTLE.  Taping is in 15 hours,... Read more »

The Sum of our Fears

The Sum of our Fears
(Chicago Tough normally does comedic pieces, but after today’s Bulls game, we’re taking some time away…pardon us.) If you’re over 50 and grew up in the Chicago area, you’ve seen this tape before. Saturday, on a move that was so typical of the Chicago Bulls’ stalwart point guard, All-Star point guard Derrick Rose left his... Read more »
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Blackhawks Fan Catches Up on Cubs Season; Not Sure Who the Hell Rafael Dolis Is

Blackhawks Fan Catches Up on Cubs Season; Not Sure Who the Hell Rafael Dolis Is
CHICAGO – Hours after the Chicago Blackhawks were eliminated from the 2012 NHL playoffs, Hawks/Cubs fan Jerry Banks of Naperville thought it would be a good time to catch up on his beloved baseball team.  Like many during the final month of the Blackhawks season, Banks had little clue of who was on the Cubs;... Read more »