On Monday May 20th, 2013, the Longly family welcomed Madison Patricia Longly into its household.
Brian has been a contributor to Chicago Tough. We went inside Condell Hospital in Libertyville to get a first interview with the newest Toughian:
WHO: Madison Patricia Longly
DOB: May 20th, 2013
MEASUREMENTS: 20 inches, 8 lbs/10 oz.
What are your first impressions of your family?
Well, apart from the weird looking dude with the odd nose and shag carpeting for hair? Nothing. I mean, I'm your first daughter and you show up to my birth wearing a t-shirt of the 2010 Stanley Cup Champion Chicago Blackhawks? Seriously? I've been baking in this bitch for nine long months and you welcome me looking like Larry the garbage collector? I'm not asking for a tux or tails (even though word on the street is you had the audacity to wear a tux WITH tails to your prom...we'll talk on that one later), but you could at least've worn a button down with some slacks. You're not dropping me off at the mall wearing that shit in 12 years. Not. Happening. Oh...and I understand the hair is tough to comb, but find a comb. Please.
Are you worried about the future of your hair?
The future of my hair?! Dear God, yes! I'm either gonna have to do of those Iman flat-tops circa 1986 or I'll just go all Sinead O'Connor on that. I'm hoping it's more like mommy's.
And how do you feel about mommy?
The apple of my eye! She's so patient...well, minus the 30 Indiana Hoosiers games last year where she nearly made me shoot through her stomach. Seriously, these guys shouldn't be surprised when my first words are, "Jesus Christ, Crean! Call a timeout!"
She does seem technologically savvy. Most people can't say that about their mothers.
Oh, yeah. I've got a whole CDW sales theory locked in my head...all these other kids have their moms sing nursery rhymes when you're in their tummy...I get lectures on KPI. Really fucking enthralling.
Any notes you want to give your parents upon heading home?
Yeah. I'm cool with the downstairs. But I've heard 'bobbleheads' being mentioned multiple times. I thought, 'aww! How cute! Zackie has little bobbleheads he plays with!' Now I've come to find out my ultra hip 33 year old dad has random fourth line Blackhawks players from 1996 taking up space. Wow. That's awesome. Hey, dipshit, here's a notice: When I get that E-Z-Bake Oven (and that's not an 'if', that's a 'when'), your collection of bobblethings might just be on the floor. The bar will be my brownie store for all my princesses! Martinis and Brownies will be the name of the store. I'll keep the bobbleheads as prospective dates for my Barbies. Deal with it.
You think you'll be okay with Zack and the dog?
Shoot! That'll be fine! I get all of Zack's old toys and we can play. I plan on riding Payton. My problems lie squarely on the man of the house.
There are OTHER problems?
No problems. Just laws. Tea is at 430 pm...sharp...that starts when I turn one. At two, I demand stories...and I don't care where Zack is in his 'nighttime plan'.
You came out as a big girl! Any feelings of trepidation going forward?
Guh. No. Just get me to 18 so I can get out of here. Im tired...and poopy...I gotta nap. Peace.
Filed under: Uncategorized