Texas Man Taken Off Death Row; Forced Instead to Watch Brent Lillibridge Plate Appearances on a Loop

Texas Man Taken Off Death Row; Forced Instead to Watch Brent Lillibridge Plate Appearances on a Loop
The face of evil

AUSTIN - Notification came down from the governor's mansion in Austin, Texas that current inmate James Riverton will not be executed through lethal injection.

A press release late Tuesday stated that Governor Rick Perry will no longer accept the death penalty as an acceptable punishment for the convicted.  Instead, all prisoners on death row will be subject to a loop of Brent Lillibridge at bats with the Chicago Cubs.

"As you all know, I'm a big proponent of the death penalty," stated Perry.  "But if I can find something that takes evil people and makes them stare evil right back in the face...well...then I'm all for it.  And after watching highlights of this gnome-looking, elf-eared freak...this, uh...this Lillibridge kid?  Yeah.  This Lillibridge kid.  After watching these highlights, I'm sure that putting this on a loop will make them question their own existence.  After viewing it, it made me question mine.  Dear Lord...the humanity.  May God have mercy on their souls."

Brent Lillibridge is 0 for 17 with the Cubs.  He has struck out seven times, and has looked overpowered in each plate appearance.

"I've heard pain unleashed inside these prison walls," said Texas Director of Prisons Ted Humm.  "But I've never heard the piercing shrieks of agony quite like the ones I heard after they started rolling the tape.  Fastballs up.  Fastballs down.  Curveballs in the dirt.  Frozen on a changeup.  It never ends.  Even when it's telegraphed.  Even if he's gotten two straight fastballs on the outer half...he's still trying to pull off on a third fastball on the outer half.  It's...it's...it's tough to watch."

In the dark viewing rooms, several on death row were seen pounding on walls; pleading to be let go.

"This is cruel and unusual," said ACLU lawyer Janet Garbon.  "To force any human to watch this painful display of baseball puts us on par with Vietnamese generals, Pol Pot, Stalin, you name it...it's these types of mind games and brutal brain washing that pulls us out from being a civilized society and makes us animals.  This video is barbaric!"

Perry gave no timeline as to when this type of punishment would end.

"As long as this kid gives us good material, why make it stop?" said Perry.

Lillibridge was not available for comment.

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