CHICAGO - The Chicago Cubs announced late Monday that new provisions would be installed to make the 'baseball experience' at Wrigley Field more enjoyable.
The main provision is to install several seats in each aisle that have blockades shielding fans from viewing whoever is playing at third base.
"We felt that this was our best option," said Cubs public relations director Cheryl Renaldo. "This way people can enjoy the Wrigley Field experience without having to see the god forsaken heap of trash that's playing at third base."
The 'god forsaken heap of trash' will either be Brent Lillibridge, Luis Valbuena, or Ian Stewart. Each hitter has had their struggles at the plate and on the field.
"While we understand that these aren't the worst fielders in the world, we want to make sure that people aren't reminded while the game is going on that they are even present. We want to try to block their presence out of people's minds completely."
This is why the Cubs are also thinking of not announcing any third basemen when they come to bat, as well.
"I like the move," said Cubs fan Dennis Barnes. "I like having a hot dog and a beer at the game...I don't need to throw it all up within seconds because I notice Ian Stewart is our third basemen. I already lived through Willie Greene and Shane Andrews. I don't need this."
The Cubs are also considering the same provision for the catcher's spot.
The Cubs first home game will be next Monday against the Milwaukee Brewers.