EDMONTON- Standing in the locker room after the Chicago Blackhawks defeated the Edmonton Oilers 4-1 to win their first President's Trophy since 1991, rookie skater Drew LeBlanc echoed the sentiments of many Hawks players.
"What the fuck is this?"
LeBlanc, playing in his first NHL game, was told by many Blackhawks that President Barack Obama would be there to present the Blackhawks' President's Trophy.
Team captain Jonathan Toews was even more surprised after their team clinched the best record in the NHL.
"You figure we'd get some president, prime minister, king...maybe one of those Adams, Patrick, or Norris dudes. They alive? Maybe their kids...I don't care. Maybe the president of some company. Some president. Somewhere. Where the fuck is the president? How am I going to accept this trophy without a president here?!"
"Give me the phone...any phone...now!" exclaimed Blackhawks coach Joel Quenneville. "I want the president here, or I'm authorizing all of these Canadian additional pipelines to go through our national parks. I want Gates...that dude that replaced Jobs...where's Iacoca? Give me a president! Find me the Prince of Wales!"
The trophy sat on top of an end table; adorned with a note from Commissioner Gary Bettman: "Sorry, guys. Couldn't make it. But, uh...yeah...way to go. This pretty much guarantees home ice, and...I...honestly, I'm busy trying to add six more additional Winter Classic games to various international sites. Just don't f this up like Vancouver does, Love, Gary."
The Blackhawks sat in the locker room trying to bask in the glow of clinching the NHL's best record.
"It sure is a nice trophy," said Patrick Sharp. "Kind of thought Obama would be here. Guess I'll just head to the bar, and settle for drinking Molsons and pretending to care about somebody trying to start a conversation about curling. This sucks."
Upon hearing the Blackhawks' frustrations, Obama sent a voice message to team general manager Stan Bowman that was played over Tim Sassone's iphone.
"I hear you guys won the President's Trophy, and are pretty upset about my lack of presence," said the President. "I just...you guys didn't know that this is a trophy presented by the Board of Governors? Listen, things keep blowing up around the country. Like, literally blowing up. Edmonton is cold. Really f'n cold. And to tell you the truth, I'm still pissed you didn't call up Morin. So, yeah. Congrats."