VANCOUVER - Watching from his home on the outskirts of Vancouver, Canucks fight director Jean Dupuis cursed in anger at his TV set.
"I teach them how to pull hair, they pull hair! I teach them move to bite finger, they bite finger! I teach them move to punch in back of head, they punch in back of head! But I teach the wedgie! Where is the wedgie?! C'est des conneries!"
Dupuis was reacting to the latest cheap hit pulled by his beloved Canucks. During Tuesday night's tilt against the rival Chicago Blackhawks, Canucks forward Jannik Hansen punched Marian Hossa in the back of the head. The punch knocked Hossa, who spent the majority of the off-season recuperating from a concussion, down to the ice.
"The hit was perfect! Perfect form! This is what I teach. You can't fight a man face-to-face. That is not fair. You wait until he turn! Then you grab the nuts, or punch in back of head! Then, you take puck...you skate puck...you score with puck! Then, you laugh in face of opponent! You don't fight back? C'est vraiment de ta faute! Haw Haw! Oui Oui!"
Dupuis fight coaching has provided some memorable moments: Alexandre Burrows' hair-pulling of Duncan Keith, Burrows' finger-biting of Boston Bruins forward Patrice Bergeron in the Stanley Cup Finals, and now the Hansen incident.
Dupuis knowledge of cheap shots came from spending years in France directing the famous commedia touring group 'Les Nutshot on Ice'. After finishing his tour, he was hired by the Canucks in 2008 to irritate opponents. Dupuis has been successful during his tenure, however, he has yet to get his trademark move established in the NHL: Le Wedgie.
"The time was right!" stated Dupuis. "Hossa was motionless on the ice. Nobody was around. Jannik could've easily gotten down and gotten his tighty-whities and had his way! What a glorious day it could have been! Macho Man had his elbow, Jake the Snake have DDT, Undertaker Tombstone...the Canucks will have the wedgie. Well, one day. A man can dream. C'est la vie."
No word has come from the NHL in regards to a suspension for Hansen.