Rest of NHL Hits Re-Set Button on NHL Season; Run Back Home Crying 'It's Not Fair!'

Rest of NHL Hits Re-Set Button on NHL Season; Run Back Home Crying 'It's Not Fair!'
The game isn't fair. Teams are taking their game and going home.

TORONTO - Late Thursday, another National Hockey League team tried to defeat the Chicago Blackhawks in regulation...and failed.

In a fit of anger, the remaining 29 teams grabbed their 2013 NHL season by the horns, contacted commissioner Gary Bettman, and hit the reset button at league controls in Toronto. The move is akin to many teams losing to the computer in a video game; a list ditch effort to end what has been deemed as 'unfair'.

"I swear to God I was hitting the 'shot button' the whole time.  This is bullshit.  Bickell hits Shaw on the tape for a one-timer?  Like that would ever happen in real life?  Whatever!" said frustrated St. Louis Blues player Barrett Jackman.

"I've been skating right and shooting left for years.  It works against most teams.  I do it against the Hawks and it's like the computer in Toronto won't let me score.  That would never happen in real life.  This is so stupid.  I'm taking my puck and going home.  We're not friends anymore, Blackhawks!" said an upset David Backes.

The 30 teams of the NHL made an agreement before the season began to play on the 'Medium' skill level.  Even when teams went behind the Blackhawks back and turned their skill level to 'Hard', nothing changed.

"We almost got to the point where we went into the trade area to build a super-team.  Just to beat them once.  You know, start doing stupid things like sending every player to Detroit.  Send Crosby to Pittsburgh for Todd Bertuzzi? Done.  Ovechkin for Eaves?  Sure.  The computer wouldn't let us.  We had no choice but to hit the re-set button and go home," said Canucks head coach Alain Vigneault.

Patrick Kane of the Blackhawks did not appreciate the teams decision to hit the reset button.

"Are you serious?!  Did you just do that?!  What the f---?!  I was just about to win!  Whatever, you're such a little bitch! Yeah, go home.  Go home and cry to your mom!  Yeah, whatever, I don't wanna be friends ever.  Hey, the next time I get the new Halo or new Call of Duty...guess what...you aren't gonna be called over!  I'll play in my own league!"

The new season is set to start on Saturday.

Filed under: Chicago Blackhawks

Leave a comment