LOS ANGELES - The 55th Grammy Awards featured some touching acts, but the tearjerker of the night belonged to the always emotional 'In Memoriam' section.
The montage featured deceased musical artists who passed away in the previous year...with a slight addition. Upon hearing that the Chicago Blackhawks had just added to their points streak, Grammy officials decided to put together a qiuck montage of teams that won't be winning the Stanley Cup in 2013.
"It's been like watching a friend die slowly," said LA Kings fan and Grammy Public Relations official Jerry Bernstein. "Tonight, we just had to pull the plug. The Kings have been playing poorly, the Canucks and Sharks always choke, Malkin or Crosby are bound to get hurt...and I just can't get myself to believe that a guy with a first name of 'Tukka' can win a Stanley Cup. For this reason, we thought a death notice for the NHL was appropriate."
The Blackhawks are 10-0-2 to start the 2013 campaign. Patrick Kane has 19 points, good for second in the NHL. Corey Crawford has a GAA of 1.62, good for third in the league. The team also has the #1 power play in the NHL. These definitive stats have convinced most people that the 2013 is essentially over.
"I thought seeing MCA's face during the montage was the most touching...then I just saw the faces of all those NHL players and I just lost it," said Grammy regular LL Cool J. "Those guys are trying so hard, and in one fell swoop, it's over. RIP Sidney Crosby. Deuces."
"You just gotta feel for those people in San Jose, St. Louis, Detroit, New Jersey, Pittsburgh, Vancouver, and Anaheim who are having a tough time believing this," said Grammys president Josh Hoberlin. "We kept getting calls saying 'What do you mean?! It's not over! They aren't dead!' I've honestly never seen this many people in doubt since Tupac died. We're here as a public service. Folks, your Stanley Cup chances are not living on an island with Tupac and Elvis. They're over. Did you see that spin-o-rama that Kane almost connected with Bolland?! Forget about it, it's over."
Services for various NHL teams will be held starting Monday in their respective communities.