Cubs Fans to Give Up Hope for Lent

Cubs Fans to Give Up Hope for Lent

MESA – Standing just yards away from some of her favorite Chicago Cubs, Dorothy Lawrence had to shake her head and walk away.

“It just isn’t worth it anymore,” said the 85 year old Cubs fan from Scottsdale.  “Well, it isn’t worth it for about forty days.”

Lawrence is a member of a large group of Catholic Cubs fans who are using the Lenten season as a way to finally give up hope on their beloved team.

“The spring is a time of birth,” stated Fr. Larry Port.  “Jesus spent 40 days in self-denial.  We’ve spent 100 years in self-delusion.  It’s time for us to stop the madness…well…at least for those 40 days…and then it’s opening day, so, yeah.”

It might seem like a huge deal for Cubs fans to give up hope…until one realizes that the Lenten season ends just four days prior to Opening Day.

“I’m not gonna spend the entire month of March hoping for a team to win 90 games,” opined Gary Morst from Wheeling.  “I’ll reserve that for the non-Lenten season.  I can handle the normal depression of April – September.”

Some have gone to the other extreme.  Through self-denial, they’ve gone to complete anger at the entire 2013 Chicago Cubs team.  An example of this individual would be Terry Candiff of Rosemont:

“Starlin Castro will hit .260.  Carlos Marmol will blow five saves in April.  I expect that Toyota sign to finally fall down and create havoc.  Another Cubs player will be involved in an domestic dispute. Jim Deshaies will reveal himself to be a Russian operative in the middle of a broadcast.  He will hold Len Kasper hostage until one trillion dollars are sent to a group of Putin’s henchmen…Okay, I’m trying.  I’m trying to not care.  I don’t careidon’tcareidon’tcareidon’tcare…”

This new wave of denial will have a definite impact on Spring Training attendance.  Catholics make up a good 23% of the Chicago Cubs fan base.

The fans will return from their fasting on Easter Sunday, March 31st.  The Cubs will begin their season on April 1st.

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