The following is a look into the future. 2013. A place where nobody thought we'd get to because the Mayans ran out writing utensils. These are my top 10 Chicago sports goals for the upcoming year:
10. I will accept the stupidity that comes with finding Raffi Torres
Raffi Torres must be found. The trashy 'hockey player' who nearly ended the career of Marian Hossa with an illegal hit in the Western Conference Quarterfinals should get a welcomed visit from the equally stupid Dan Carcillo. Knowing Carcillo, however, this will probably take place with the Hawks up by one goal in the third period...with the fight happening during a Blackhawks 3-on-1 rush.
9. I will come to terms with another 100 loss season from the Chicago Cubs
Accept. Acceptance is the key. Repeat to myself, "It's all for the good of the future. It's all for the good of the future. It's all for the good of the future." I will find myself saying this after each at bat by Luis Valbuena.
8. If Lovie Smith is still the Chicago Bears head coach in 2012, I cannot act surprised at any challenge calls
I will accept this. I will not throw things at my TV. I will be polite and not teach my three year old son new words.
7. I will work on my own Joel Quenneville moustache
I will honor the great work of the Q-Stache by joining his fraternity come playoff time. And, yes, there will be a hockey playoff time.
6. I will treat Hawk Harrelson as a caricature of a human being and enjoy his announcing
Why get upset? Hawk can be fun if you accept him for who he is. And I plan on doing so. The homerisms and dad-gummits. Accept it. Hug it. Love it. Embrace it. Deal with the long silences during bad games. Love stupidity. It will be easier to endure.
5. I will unwittingly throw myself into DePaul basketball
Why not? I have nothing else to do. Might as well start a new hobby rooting for somebody else who sucks. None of my teams win championships anyway...what is another, right?
4. I will finally take off those two days in March during the NCAA Tournament
I've been telling myself this for the past 10 years. How many great moments have I missed? Not this year! Alcorn State vs. Kansas, HERE I COME!!!
3. I will not blame every Cubs blown save on God
God has nothing to do with the Cubs. He can't be that cruel. Plus, I can't blame God at least 15 times a year...it's gets tiring.
2. I will not root against the Packers in the post-season. Rooting against teams is childish.
I need to grow up. The Packers have great fans, a great trad...wait. What the hell am I saying? Screw them. I hope they get crushed. I need a re-do.
2. I will not get depressed when Derrick Rose returns and it looks like he's obviously lost a step
I suggest all Bulls fans do the same
1. I will pretend that the Bears had a plan going into the draft
Picks will come. Most of them will be picks not affiliated with team needs. After years of yelling at my TV, I just need to move on and accept. None of it will make sense. Serenity shall prevail.
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