LOS ANGELES – In the Staples Center parking lot, moments after the reported firing of Los Angeles Lakers coach Mike Brown, sanitation worker Jerald Givens made the oddest discovery. The lifetime worker from the Great Western Forum and Staples Center saw a pad of paper on the ground labeled ‘Lakers Playbook: Hands Off!’
“I was getting ready to start my shift. 7 a.m., we have a Clippers game coming up that night…and I look down and I see this notepad. I’m thinkin’, ‘this has got to be a joke.’ Then I open it up…and sure enough…I see court diagrams with little doodles on them. They weren’t even plays. One of the pages was just a bit drawing of a dinosaur yelling, ‘Roar! Down with the Heat, Roar!’ Another showed an ‘x’ with the label ‘Kobe’ underneath…it just drew him running in a circle with all of the other ‘x’s’ watching him…. That’s when I knew it was Coach Brown’s.”
The playbook was found at approximately 12:00 p.m. pacific time. When the book was bought from Givens by local media, pictures of the playbook were made public. Since that point, various pictures have exploded online.
One of the biggest drawings garnering attention is that of a list provided by Mike Brown. The list shows, ‘Favorite Plays: 1. Kobe Shoot, 2. Kobe Pass Back to Kobe Shoot, 3. Howard Slam, 4. Nash Unsuspecting Lane Drive, and 5. Really Random and Funny Metta World Peace Shotz!’
Another list showed Brown’s keys to victory against the Mavs: ‘1. Make sure passes are crisp. Make sure all passes are aimed at players wearing jersey showing ‘Lakers’. 2. The Mavs players wear this weird blue/green combo. I’m actually color blind. It could be red. Just stop the guys not wearing your jersey. 3. By ‘stop the guys’, I mean ‘make sure the basketball doesn’t get into the hoop that often’. I hate it when that happens. 4. Find Kobe. 5. If Kobe is dribbling one on one with somebody, the best thing you can do is stand around and watch. We need to focus on what he’s going to do. So, whatever you do, DON’T MOVE! 6. Remember, we wear the yellowish jerseys! 7. Pass the ball high in the air by the rim. That way Dwight (Howard) can get the ball and slam it! 8. I love slam dunks! 9. Remember that dunk Dr. J had against the Lakers in the ’83 Finals? That was awesome. 10. Remember that if Metta ever gets upset, the only person allowed to talk to him is Steve (Nash). Steve is Canadian. Canadians are rational people. That’s why they never invade anybody. 11. Remember the pressure points on your fingers for stable dribbling. 12. Ball-Man-Hoop, er…Man-Ball…Man on Ball…er, whatever your f---- n Jr. High coach said. 13. When in doubt, pass it to Kobe or toss the ball at the hoop and hope somebody will catch it. 14. If you’re confused by when I’m calling a timeout, don’t worry…So am I…sometimes I just like taking a break. 15. Score more points!’
Lakers players noticed plays drawn beyond simplicity.
“I think he drew a ‘24’,” said Lakers forward Pau Gasol. “It was the number 24, and an arrow pointing straight at the hoop. Underneath it had a play title called, ‘Kobe Drives for Dunk Shot! Yes! I love dunks!’ The whole thing is strange.
The Lakers’ 1-4 start coupled with the discovery of the playbook gave Lakers fans chuckles...and it gave them justification for the firing. Lakers owner Jerry Buss was shown the list, but he seemed only somewhat disappointed...well, as disappointed as he could be.
“Listen, these drawings are done by a man with low intelligence, there’s no doubt,” stated the longtime Lakers owner. “Truth is, he was my best option. I’m trying to get Phil back, Pat back, shoot…some guys I’m calling, I’m not even sure if they’re alive. Van Breda Kolff? Who knows. Well, he’s on my rolodex. Yes, I have a rolodex, don’t roll your eyes at me, kid! There are some important names on there! I’ve got Milton Berle, George Burns, Jack Paar! Okay, so they’re dead, whatever. Listen, you see these two beautiful twenty-somethings I have draped around my shoulders? This is Candy and this is Dandy. Dandy, this is John. Candy, this is John. He’s a writer. (long pause) Okay, we’ll talk to you later, kid.”
The Lakers have not yet formally released a statement.
Filed under: NBA
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