Area Man Found to be Only Person Excited for 43 Straight Days of Alabama/Notre Dame Previews on SportsCenter

Area Man Found to be Only Person Excited for 43 Straight Days of Alabama/Notre Dame Previews on SportsCenter

ITASCA - Most of America has grown tired of ESPN's use of Tim Tebow during their award-winning highlight show 'SportsCenter'.

But even the Tebow-haters have competition now.

A recent poll showed that 99.9999% of the United States is not looking forward to ESPN's 43 straight days of previewing the potential National Championship matchup between Alabama and Notre Dame.  The one individual who is looking forward to the preview?  John Stratham of Itasca, Illinois.

"I never miss one SportsCenter!  Boo-ya! Aw, man.  I love that.  Boo-ya!  I love Stuart Scott...I just...I love all of the sayings, the predictions of things, the experts...everything they do is top of the line."

Stratham is 46, lives with his parents, and gets distracted by bright lights and loud noises.

"The opening comes on, and it's like 'flash! bash! This is SPORTSCENTER! And I, well, I get all chilled up inside.  They show that montage of the champions, then they show highlights from the day...somebody is flipping a chair, or some player got a technical foul, or this huge dunk from a DIII game, you know, the stuff that ROCKS!  Then it's on to the news of the day.  It never stops.  I love it so."

Stratham knew the second Notre Dame knocked off USC late Saturday that ESPN would run an hour-long love fest for the Irish.

"I turned my TV to SportsCenter because I wanted to see old film highlights of guys that I don't recognize, endless graphics of championship seasons and Heisman winners, and a game-by-game summary of all of the previous Alabama/Notre Dame matchups.  I also wanted those voice-over dedications to teams that haven't won anything yet.  You know, those really dramatic ones that they used to only reserve for those 'I'm-a-child-dying interviews?  Well, they've expanded it to daily stuff!  It makes everything so intense."

Most of America (well, all but Stratham) isn't excited at the prospect of 43 straight days of a potential Bama/Notre Dame championship game.

"That's 43 straight days of bliss.  How else am I gonna know who's going to win?  Will Notre Dame wear the green jerseys?  Why is the Alabama mascot an elephant?  Where did Notre Dame get the name 'Fighting Irish'?  I want to know as much meaningless crap as the next person about this game!"

The one fact that keeps eluding ESPN and Stratham is that Alabama vs. Notre Dame won't be finalized until Alabama can beat Georgia in the SEC Title Game.

"You want me to kill a potentially excited matchup by giving me facts?  I won't have it.  I want my excitement...and I want it now.  And ESPN gives me excitement, bright lights, and loud noises.  Wait until the SEC Title Game?  Psha!"

Stratham plans on giving daily updates to co-workers during this time.

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