It's Back! Chicago Tough Horoscope of the Week

It's Back!  Chicago Tough Horoscope of the Week

Aries (3/21-4/19) Running a four minute mile is impossible for most...but you'll soon find out it's possible if you're running from the police.

Taurus (4/20-5/20) You'll love easy time at Starbucks drinking coffee and reading Kant and plays by Ibsen.  Little do you know, people will have an equally easy time calling you 'that arrogant a--hole at Starbucks.

Gemini (5/21-6/21) You'll be reminded this week that Philadelphia is 'The City of Brotherly Love'. Unfortunately, you'll find out that it's also 'The City Where Your Wife Cheats on You'.

Cancer (6/22-7/22) I had a prediction set for you sign.  But that is no more.  Thank Gary Burt of Cleveland, Ohio.  May God help all of you, this week.

Leo (7/23-8/22) Your insults about Barbie's being anatomically incorrect backfires...when you discover that your body is anatomically disgusting.

Virgo (8/23-9/23) You'll know you're finally in Britain upon hearing thousands yell, "God, Save the Queen!"  But this warm-hearted moment will dissipate when you realize the Queen is actually drowning in the Thames and needs to be saved.

Libra (9/23-10/23) Your thesis proposal for 'Gramatically Incorrect TV Show Titles' is rejected when faculty cite 'philosophical differences'; mainly surrounding your irrational tirade about 'Diff'rent Strokes'.

Scorpio (10/24-11/21) One could blame the CEO for your suspension.  But most will blame your in-meeting suggestion for a 'Naked Tuesday'.

Sagittarius (11/22-12/21) This is the week your child asks you if there's a God.  The question will be answered in the same way your father did.  By giving your son bacon for the first time.

Capricorn (12/22-1/19) This week, if you don't succeed, try, try again.  At some point, those kids will get in your van.

Aquarius (1/20-2/18) Everybody will wonder what happened to you.  Little do they know your vow to never leave your house during Shark Week.

Pisces (2/19-3/20) This week you'll find enjoyment in skipping stones with your son.  It will be even more fun considering you'll be doing it from a tree on the heads of Nickleback concertgoers.




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