"Why the Hell Didn't You Show Up at My Birthday Party?" by Tony Campana

"Why the Hell Didn't You Show Up at My Birthday Party?" by Tony Campana

(Just a couple days ago, Tony Campana invited all of his friends to a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese.  He turned 26 today.  The link (click here) gives details of how cool it's gonna be....unfortunately, one of his best friends didn't show up.)

Hey, it's me again.  Tony Campana.  Yeah, remember me?  I was the guy who sent you the invitation a couple days ago to come to my birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese.  No?  You don't remember?  Surprise.

I thought we were friends.  One would think that after spending three hours at another person's house, with two hours of the three playing an early release of Call of Duty: Black Ops II, that one would qualify under the term 'friendship.'

Guess not.  Guess those free glazed donuts that my mom got at Costco and my special 1963 Topps baseball set weren't good enough for you.  Guess playing a retro-version of Electronic Battleship was too lame.  Whatevs.

Do you even know what 'friend' means?  Here's the definition from Webster:

1 a: one attached to another by affection or esteem b: acquaintance 2 a: one that is not hostile.

I thought, rather foolishly, that when you bought that special code book for my PS3 that you were making a statement.  That statement being, 'We're friends now.  I want to help you do your best'...so much for that.

Did you see the second point?  'One that is not hostile'.  We never had any animosity towards each other.  However, this latest development is nothing short of a punch in the face.

Just to review, here's what you missed at the party:

1) Full-on, limitless pizza.

2) Full-on, limitless drinks.

3) A special appearance by the one and only Chuck E. Cheese (and I would like to let you know that he was wearing the new official Chuck outfit that was just released this year...bet you're glad you missed that one).

4) 45 free tickets for each person and $20 of game purchasing for each person (Through my awesome mom).

5)  A full-on retro-NBA Jam tournament with eight of my closest, real, actual FRIENDS.

6) A stunning upset using the Milwaukee Bucks roster of Blue Edwards and Brad Lohaus (pretty cool, probably won't see that one again).

7) Samantha Wilson and her friends asking us to come to HER HOUSE next week.

8) Pop-a-shot tournament...where I beat my dad!

9) I bet my dad that if I beat him in pop-a-shot that we all get free sundaes at the Dairy Queen...sooo...yeah, you missed free ice cream.

10) Which reminds me, we had free cake and ice cream at Chuck E. Cheese's.  Chuck sang a song.  It ruled.

I'm not going to mention the playhouse, the skee-ball, the party bags, or the free 'Chuck Points' we earned.  That would be rubbing it in.  So, I'll just end with this:

We're done.  I mean done.  You want to come see me play at Wrigley...try again.  You want me to help you out with your pre-Algebra homework?  Barkin' up the wrong tree.

Oh, and get this...I've got a date next week with Samantha Wilson after her and her friends hang at her house.  You know how easy we could've double-dated with Brooke?  Pretty easily.  Don't worry, don't worry.  I'm sure you'll have fun playing on your lame PS2 figuring out how to get through Level Whatever on Game Lame.  Right about when you're picking your nose, I'll be touching Samantha's boobs.  And, yes, I will send pictures.

I can't wait to see you in pre-Algebra, next week. You can see all of the cool things I got on my birthday.

Have fun not getting rides to games,


Tony Campana...on his 26th birthday.



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