IN A GALAXY, FAR, FAR AWAY- Scientists at the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) have confirmed what many fans of the Chicago Cubs have been fearing throughout the 2012 season: The Cubs have officially gone plaid.
After the Cubs' eighth consecutive loss on Tuesday, the Cubs moved into a place no team has gone before. Teams in the National League have passed the Chicago Cubs so quickly that a 'trail of plaid' has overwhelmed the organization.
"We've been trying to focus on the fundamentals," lamented beleaguered Cubs manager Dale Sveum. "Apparently, while we've focusing...and...well...quite frankly, failing...it seems that the rest of the league has passed us. Everywhere we look...in the clubhouse, during batting practice, in the bullpen, etc...it's all plaid. We're not even sure we're in the right universe."
Astrophysicist Larry Bowens stated from his Houston office that the trail left by other National League teams hasleft the Cubs in a void.
"'Going plaid' is something that we've never seen. No collection of baseball players has been left this far behind. Even in 1962 with the Mets, those Tigers team...hell, even when the Orioles started 0-21. None of them reached this level of ineptitude. Is that even a word? Well, now it is. We're struggling to decipher this, as well."
Some scientists are pointing to a specific moment when the 'plaid' took over. NASA's Gary Dillon explains...
"In the 9th inning of Tuesday's loss to the Houston Astros, the Cubs sent Joe Mather, Adrian Cardenas, and Darwin Barney to the plate. This continuation of putrid players sent the space/time continuum off the hook. It's not that this particular collection in this particular instance created the 'plaid effect'...this was something growing over the eight game losing streak. The galaxy could only handle so much...especially seeing Cardenas again...their world was turned."
Nobody is sure if this 'plaid effect' will be lifted...but one thing is for sure...it won't happen with this current roster of Cubs players.
"The more we see Lalli, Cardenas, and Hill...the more they're in trouble," warned Dillon. " We're keeping an eye on it...but it doesn't look good."
The Cubs continue their series with Houston tomorrow.