Patrick Kane Doesn't Remember Getting Signatures to Participate in Wisconsin Gubernatorial Run-Off Election

Patrick Kane Doesn't Remember Getting Signatures to Participate in Wisconsin Gubernatorial Run-Off Election

MADISON - Much has been made of Chicago Blackhawks winger Patrick Kane and his weekend romp through the Wisconsin capital.  Stories of drunkenness, profanity, and lude behavior at the Mifflin Street Block Party have circulated throughout the web...but it's a new development that's shocking the political landscape.

"Somebody dropped off a stack of loose-leaf paper outside the State Capitol Building," stated Wisconsin Board of Elections head Jim Gunderstein.  "Some of it was scribbled, beer-stained, and I think a couple pages had some white residue...but it was about 12,000 signatures requesting Patrick Kane be placed on the run-off ballot."

The hotly contested gubernatorial battle features current Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker and former Milwaukee mayor Tom Barrett.  The presence of a third party candidate wasn't discussed as a possibility, but now may be a reality.

The signatures featured a cover sheet stating that Kane would run under the 'Dude, I'm So Wasted Party'.  The DISWP set forth a constitution on the cover stating the basic party platform: 1) Bros before hos, 2) You spill my beer, you buy my beer, 3) Freshman do statewide cleanup on Saturday and Sunday mornings, 4) All FHM cover girls must appear live, 5) Puff, puff, give, or it's six years in the slammer, 6) Frat beer bong champion not required to pay taxes, 7) If you don't know anybody at the house, you need to leave.

The final three laws seemed to be from another writer who put 8) Don't touch my girl, 9) Dude, seriously, stay away and 10) I know you're in the NHL, and it's cool that you're here, but, seriously, stay away from my girl.

Only 10,000 signatures are required to be on the gubernatorial ballot.  Kane, who quietly has a primary residence in Madison, doesn't remember the request.

"Uh...we were just partying...I think somebody said something about an election," said Kane.  "I just dropped my beers got on top of some chair and started yelling at people.  The next thing I remember I was at this dude Kevin's house with a bucket of chicken on my stomach.  I don't know."

"We are questioning some of the signatures," stated Gunderstein.  "Let's see, just for example I've got 'Li T. Bong', 'Smokey Stickiestuff', 'Signature', 'Your Name', and 'Carla, 362-5495 Room 103'....oh, and another says first name, 'Dude', and last name, 'Seriously, stop talking to my girlfriend.'

When various fraternities were questioned about the signatures or declaration, media members were told, 'You know anybody here?', 'Dude, seriously, get off our lawn, man', and 'Bro, Dude, seriously, if you don't know anybody...then you can't be here...don't make me get real...coz I'll get real.'

Other fraternity members were lifting weights, at the tanning salon, or playing 'Call of Duty'.

Madison officials were not made available for comment.

(DISCLAIMER:  All articles by Chicago Tough are not real...why do we have to put this here?  Because...we do.)
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