FAIRFAX - A new law requiring Virginia women to go through a trans-vaginal procedure has met its first casualty.
Meghan Giddings of Fairfax was 10 weeks pregnant when she went through the newly mandated procedure. After seeing the child for the first time, Giddings decided that the abortion procedure should be stopped. The sight of her new child brought her to tears...a change of heart had occurred...and then...she looked closer.
"Wait...I think...Is that burgundy and gold?"
Doctors and nurses confirmed the sight that the 10 week old fetus being was clad in a light burgundy and gold; the colors of the local Washington Redskins.
"Yeah...get on in there. Now! I said now! I don't want to subject this kid to the horror that is the Daniel Snyder era...get it out...NOW!"
Daniel Snyder is the owner of the Washington Redskins, and mainly responsible for the franchise's horrific downward turn from perennial powerhouse to consistent doormat.
Nurses tried to calm down the fervent Giddings.
"We tried to inform her that it seemed the child was wearing what looked like a faint hue of a John Riggins throwback jersey," stated Nurse Lisa Lombardi. "But by that point she was just yelling about Daniel Snyder and some...sounded like some old players."
Giddings was pleading with doctors to move quickly, stating things like, 'I feel like the spawn of Snyder is in me' and 'How do you sign Bruce Smith, Deion Sanders, and Donovan McNabb to such outrageous contracts!' and 'I wish I could take the spear on the old Redskins helmet and get this baby out of me!' and finally, 'Snyyyyyyderrrrrr!'
"We've had some women enter our facility in urgent need, but this one takes the cake," said Lombardi. "We just hope that she doesn't hurt anybody else."
Giddings was a lifetime Redskins fan before the recent collapse. Giddings is 38 years of age and remembers each of the three Super Bowl victories under Joe Gibbs.
"Those were the days," opined Giddings. "Now, it's nothing. RFK is gone. Skins fans don't exist...I just don't need a baby who lives and dies with the Redskins in my life...well...I guess she actually will die with the Redskins in her life. Heh...that was funny...actually, not really...I'm sorry, that was really callous."
Giddings was extremely thankful of Governor McDonnell's new law for making sure she moved forward with the termination.
"You know, I wasn't sure if I liked this governor...but you have to hand it to him. Every parent in this area should know if their child is going to grow up a Redskins fan...and I...I'm just glad I found out sooner rather than later. So, yeah, I"m really thankful for the governor."
Daniel Snyder was unable to comment at time of press.
(The previous article is not true. Chicago Tough is a site that produces sports comedy and satire. We shouldn't have to put this on our page, but Stacey King has made us do so.)
Filed under: Chicago Bears
Tags: abortion, bruce smith, daniel snyder, daniel snyder free agent signings, deion sanders, free agent signings, joe gibbs, John Riggins, old washington redskins spear helmet, pro-life, probe, Redskins spear, state sanctioned rape, terrible free agent signings, transvaginal procedure, virginia abortion law, virginia pregnancy law, Washington Redskins
