Chicago Tough Horoscope (1/8-1/14)

Chicago Tough Horoscope (1/8-1/14)

The world's best horoscope is here.  Enjoy.

Aries (3/21-4/19) Prepare for a rousing conflict when your hotel doesn't recognize that your 'continent' in your continental breakfast is Africa.

Taurus (4/20-5/20) You've always hated Twitter.  But this week it will reach a boiling point when you're incorrectly notified of the cancellation of Toddlers and Tiaras.

Gemini (5/21-6/20) This is the week you finally get a correct answer in trivia night!  Which makes sense since you've responded to every question over the past six months with 'Burt Reynolds'.

Cancer (6/21-7/22) You're finally notified that the 'Land of the Free and Home of the Brave' is not Turner Field; home of the Atlanta Braves.

Leo (7/23-8/22)  You achieve cult status in the Chicago Police Department when you're notified that you participated in the only fistfight stemming from a debate about the 1804 election.

Virgo (8/23-9/22) You think you've had constipation just wait.

Libra (9/23-10/22) You're not sure yet why you're injured.  But you've been informed it's because of stage diving.  And that you're not Iggy Pop.

Scorpio (10/23-11/21) Yep.  You're the guy without the deodorant.

Sagittarius (11/22-12/21) Paranoia will consume you when you convince yourself that biscuits and gravy are nothing more than a southerner's way of making yankees lethargic.

Capricorn (12/22-1/19) Don't talk about the weather with the man at the bus stop.  Unless you want a 40 minute lecture on barometric pressure.

Aquarius (1/20-2/18) You've always been a stickler for detail, but a 13 page response to The Pixies' question of 'Where is My Mind?' may have gone a bit too far.

Pisces (2/19-3/20) Fashion designers statements that 'black is the new white' forces your bigoted personality to start hating yourself.

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