'Twas the Night Before a Chicago Tough Christmas...

'Twas the Night Before a Chicago Tough Christmas...

'Twas the night before a Chicago Tough Christmas, when all through the house

No food was remaining, all eaten by Jerry Krause!

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care

In hopes that Matt Forte would return next year healthy; and hopefully a Bear.

The children of Chicago; all snug in their beds

Have visions of a Bulls championship dancing in their heads!

And Theo in his office, and me on bended knee,

Praying for Fielder in Cubbie blue, just for a good fan like me!

When out on Soldier Field there arouse such a clutter,

Workers from the Park District cursing under a mutter

Away to the field I took off with a dash

Ran through the pillars with my Ditka mustache

The moon shined on the dirt down below

The grass was gone, the field covered in slush and snow

When what came to my eyes did appear?!

Roger Bossard, the Sodfather, to everybody's cheers!

By the Cell I could hear the crack of the stick,

It was a Sox fan calling Kenny Williams a 'pr---'.

More rapid came curses from Beverly residents

Telling Kenny they'd like to be champs, not just contestants

When soon from up in the sky

Derrick Rose and his team flew right on by!

With the hopes of a city for a leaguewide crush

Derrick drove, got fouled, and made the shot with a flush!

"Now, Noah!  Now, Ohmer! Now, Hamilton and Boozer!"

"Turn these Heat, Knicks and Lakers into losers!"

When then on the United Center roof,

Sat 'Q' with his mustache, smiling and aloof.

"Oh, it's just another day for me,

The best team in hockey and the great Ray Emery!"

While the Bulls and Hawks met on the top

The Bears, Cubs and Sox sat as a flop

"We're all down here so cold and dreary

Cutler is gone and we're even thinking of Enderle!"

"We went through the off-season looking for shoppin'

And all we brought home was a manager named Robin!"

"We got a big hire to run our team and find scouts,

But without a free agent, we get nothing back but hollers and shouts!"

Then out of the sky came a blogger so happy

That some wondered if he loved seeing teams so crappy

"Don't worry your teams, the bad ones or the best...

It's your laughable ways that give you such zest,

Just be yourselves and you'll write things for me

My articles will be copies of your playing so poorly!

But just to let you know as I fly out of sight,

We love you, and pray...for many more titles...and celebratory nights!"

 

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