NBA Player Tragically Unable to Purchase 10 Acre Mansion Due to Lockout

NBA Player Tragically Unable to Purchase 10 Acre Mansion Due to Lockout

BEVERLY HILLS - In an unfortunate turn of events, Los Angeles Lakers forward Lamar Odom's purchase of a 10 acre Beverly Hills mansion has been tragically put on hold.

"Due to the NBA lockout, Odom's income does not permit the purchase of this $50 million property," stated Odom's public relations representative Gary Goldman.  "This is just another reflection of the tough times everybody is going through in the economy."

Odom's inability to purchase the mansion is just another in a long list of NBA players who are making financial sacrifices for the union's sake.  Various reports state that Chris Paul had to sell one of his 13 Ferraris, Shawn Marion was forced to only purchase one keg per month for his wet bar, and Ben Gordon informed his agent that his extensive collection of golden cuff links would have to be put up for auction.

"People are making sacrifices," stated players rep Derek Fisher.  "When you talk about men that are going on two week European trips instead of four week trips, guys only going out six times a week instead of seven, and even guys willing to the four star restaurant instead of the five star...those are sacrifices...sacrifices the owners just don't understand."

The news of Odom's inability to purchase the home comes on the heels of a break in labor talks between the two sides.  It makes Odom wonder if he'll ever be able to purchase a property like this again.

"This isn't just a purchase for my new wife...but in case we get divorced and I need to marry another impressionable young lady who likes basketball players, and money, and...stuff.  How am I going to impress her with 4 acres?  They got horses here!  And a ferris wheel!  They got midgets running around playing tag.  Why?  I don't know.  Why do you think it's $50 million?  The midgets themselves are worth $1 million.  They've got a conservatory, a study, a's like Clue...only without the candlesticks.  Wait, they've got candlesticks.  And some dude in the study named Colonel Mustard.  I might've just bought the Clue house.  Who cares.  Like I said...midgets."

Odom's purchase will be on hold until the lockout ends.  Latest word from the labor side is that the earliest the season will start is December 1st.

(The previous article is fiction...and the fact that I have to write this is an insult to the world...but you can thank Stacey King for this.)

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