ALAMEDA, CALIFORNIA - The National Football League's nightmarish lockout will finally come to a close...hopefully. One odd issue may keep things from finalizing.
Inside sources in Oakland Raiders camp are stating that an unusual provision in the tabled proposal may keep the two sides from completing the deal.
Specific provisions inside the potential agreement must include a daily delivery of 17 pints of blood to the residence of Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis.
"The strength of the owners throughout the NFL is due to the efforts of men like Al Davis," stated Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. "He fought many battles for us...the least we can do is make sure that he lives as long as possible...and continues to suck the life out of a proud franchise."
Davis has been running on fumes for the past 10 years. The former Raiders coach and present-day owner does not see sunlight. Rumor has it the owner lives inside of a cave with the bones of deceased Raiders players. He wears windbreakers, sunglasses, and watches highlights from yesteryear. Sometimes, mumbling can be heard concerning Jack Tatum's hit on Sammy White in Super Bowl XI, the Immaculate Reception, or shouts of "Rozelllllle!" randomly come from the bowels of his abode.
"He's in good spirits," stated area doctor Jim Renko. "The average human has 14-18 pints of blood. Al (Davis) currently lives on 3 pints. All of the blood he drinks, or the blood that is injected, is mostly steamed off by the evil in his soul....which can't be medically proven, but, you get the picture."
Old heads of the former NFL Players Association are trying to block the provision. Kevin Mawae, former head of the NFLPA, called the item 'delusional'.
"We've spent all of this time trying to get a deal and we have some old man holding us up? With all due respects, Al has lived a good life."
Mawae's comments could have waited some time...shortly thereafter; Mawae's family was visited by a bat. The bat held a note stating 'I've moved from Oakland to L.A...and back to Oakland...and I'll be willing to move to your house...with bloood!'
Mawae joined DeMaurice Smith (head rep for the players) in reconsidering the deal, late Tuesday. But Smith is suspicious.
"I'm thinking that most of this is just NFL owners wanting a weak Al Davis making horrific decisions. He traded for two Super Bowl MVP's that were worth nothing (Larry Brown and Desmond Howard). He has had a cavalcade of quarterbacks since Jim Plunkett. Of course the owners want to keep him alive."
No deal has been made as of time of press.
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