Chicago Tough Horoscope of the Week

Chicago Tough Horoscope of the Week

Aries (March 21-April 19) - This week brings a yearning for new ideas.  Unfortunately new ideas won't cure your clubbed feet.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) - Easy will do it, this week.  That's until you discover those #@%ers at General Mills forgot to include red balloons in your Lucky Charms.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)  Take the road less traveled, this week...but don't be surprised when you get trapped in a forest filled with Ewoks.

Cancer (June 22-July 22) This week you'll remember why life 'isn't just about money' when an infomercial convinces you to invest $10,000 in Peruvian prime real estate. 

Leo (July 23-August 22) The early bird gets the worm.  But your wife will still get custody of

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Remember...you were warned!

 the kids. Virgo (August 23-September 22) Relationships take a positive turn; which isn't a surprise now that the kids' mouths have been safely taped shut.

Libra (September 23-October 23) That ex-lover will reappear this week, evoking old emotions.  Putting a couple extra sandbags over his body will suffice.

Scorpio (October 24-November 21) Remember to stay busy, this week.  An idle mind is the devil's playground.  But since you're void of any moral value, an active mind will still be his playground, as well.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21) A penny saved is a penny earned.  Plus, it will be another penny towards your family's slave reparations.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19) This isn't the time to cry over spilled milk.  But it is time to verbally assault your child into doing so.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18) Years of hard work will gain reward when you testify before a grand jury that Dieter Brock's fumble in the 1985 NFC Title Game was not forced by Dan Hampton, but by the gun of Nolan Cromwell.

Pisces (February 19-March 20) Good things come to those who wait.  Unfortunately for you, you're still waiting for the Dodgers to come back to Brooklyn.

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    Chicago Tough is a site that began independently in 2008. Shortly thereafter, we joined the ChicagoNow network in 2009. Chicago Tough currently gives 5 on 5 contributions in the RedEye every Tuesday. Podcasts are available on itunes.

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