DEERFIELD - A multitude of shoppers and employees at the Deerfield Jewel left early Friday after Chicago Bulls announcer Stacey King paraded through the store making loud proclomations about his favorite foods.
Word of the disturbance reached the Deerfield Police Department shortly after 11:00 a.m.
The main observer of the shenanigans was deli counter employee Grace Fellows, who left her employer 15 minutes into the disturbance.
"First, he came through the fruit section," stated an emotional Fellows. "We saw him by the
cantaloupes screaming 'you're too little!' He'd keep screaming this until he found a fruit that he wanted to buy...then he'd scream 'that's what I'm talkin' about!'
"He demanded that I make a party platter; starting with these turkey rolls. He was looking at
the turkey and demanding that I 'Roll it! Go ahead and roll it!', then after I made a couple turkey rolls he says, 'Oh my goodness, stop it!' He kept stopping me and starting me...he was drawing arrows on the glass. Apparently he wanted the turkey rolls to go on specific areas of the platter. I started shaking...then he grabs these rolls from the bread section and demands that I 'put some butter on that roll'. I was so confused...that's when I ran out."
After the first 15 minutes, King was left in the store with only a couple of patrons and employees.
One of those employees was 18 year old Sam Horowitz of Skokie.
"He said he was looking for Honey Smacks. So, I pointed him over to the Honey Smacks section...well...from that point forward he started quizzing me on cereal, like, 'Frosted Mini-Wheats, five dollars? Oh my goodness...that box is too small.'"
Horowitz stated that he actually found King to be helpful and appreciative of his work.
"I gave him a rundown of each cereal we own from Raisin Bran to Honey Bunches of Oats. He called my manager and said, 'do you know who this kid is? Because he's your best employee...take the memo, hold it, seal it, open it later, because this. man. is. your. future.' I found that to be pretty nice. Problem was he's so used to grabbing everything because he's pretty tall, but we had a full box of General Mills variety packs at the top of the shelves. He starts yelling like a kid, 'I wanna go higher!'...I think that kind of freaked some people out."
King noticed as he walked to the check-out aisles that the patrons of the store seemed to have 'parted like the Red Sea'.
At that point, the remaining employees and patrons noticed King to be calm, cool, and collected...that was until King reached the candy aisle.
"He was growing really impatient with the pace of Holland getting food out of her cart...he seemed to be in a hurry...he was screaming, "Get up into my bag 30 pack of Snickers, or get out of the way'.
"Is there a medic in the house? I'm gonna be swallowed in good deals; look at this!"
However, when it came time for King's items to be checked, the former Bulls player became irate.
"You're telling me five boxes of Honey Smacks is $25?! I have a coupon. Look at this. Freeze it. C'mon son, can't you read? Look at the coupon! That says 5 boxes for $18.99. Check your head! Why do you think I'm at a Jewel, to get robbed?"
After meeting with a supervisor, King got the price discounted. Even better, King's frugal shopping and coupon cutting saved him a total of $45.
"Look at this. Oh my goodness, stop it. You see this? This is what smart shopping looks like. Woo!"
(The above article is not true...and if you thought it was, you may need your head checked.)
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